Wow, talk about a jerk. Jack asked me if I would pick up a pack of cigs for him when I go to the store. I told him I'm not going to the store. A few minutes later he said there is a convenience store just down the street. I told him again, I'm not going out. He said "you must not be a smoker." I said that yes I am a smoker but its 105 degrees outside and my car has no AC. As I started to look away from him and back to Mom, I saw what I can only describe as a "look." I think he doesn't like me. Aaaawwww. Bad me.
When Mom and I got back to her apt. I told her that I don't like Jack, he's a jerk. She quickly told me she didn't care if I like him or not. He's her boyfriend. I'm beginning to think ANY man named Jack would be her boyfriend. Honestly, this guy is so gross I wanna gag. Oh man, I just did.
While we were sitting outside with Jack, Mom said "I introduced you to that guy in the dining room as my sister. Are you my sister or daughter?" I again told her that I am her daughter.
She was showing me around and explaining Corinthians to me like I had never been there before. She even stopped one of the kids who works in the dining room if he would show me those wonderful glasses they use for the iced tea. I interrupted her and told her that I have not only seen those glasses, I have been served tea in those glasses. Yes Mom, they are beautiful. When I kept saying I know, she asked if I had been there before. I explained that I have been there many times and have had lunch with her on several occaisions she just said "Oh"
As I was leaving, she asked me who was at home, who lives with me. Again, I tell her no one, I reminder her that I live alone. She remarked how different it must be to live alone after all those years of living with all the kids. I don't say anything. It's just too confusing for her, and for me.
Given the fact that she never even remembers that I visit, I'm wondering why I do. I think I am doing it out of some kind of Whelan induced guilt.
For now, she is out of beer, cigs and milk. Oh well. Maybe Jack's real girlfriend can go get them their stuff cause I stood my ground and did not go to the store.
That' all for today.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
THE BREAKUP
Have I said.."oh my goodness...oh my goodness"...well of course I have but this time I really mean.."OH MY GOODNESS...OH MY GOODNESS''
Today Jack's(the beer guzzling ,cigarette smokin bum ) girlfriend decided to confront Ruth and tell her that she(Ruth) is not Jacks girlfriend because she(Toni..) is and has been Jacks girlfriend...well that sent Ruth into a tizzy...by the time I heard from CC and called Corinthians ,Ruth was waiting up front for a cab...SERIOUSLY...she wasn't going to stay at that place anymore...I told Charlie(darling little new girl at Corinthians) to be sure to not let Ruth leave and that I was on my way....picture the music from the Lone Ranger with me actually passing cars to get there before she could get out of jail....
When I arrive at Corinthians, Dominique meets me at the door and says thanks for coming...I ask how bad it is...she just looks at me and says again,"thanks for coming...'' Ruth is walking towards me and hugs me and says she is so glad I am there. She looks at me funny and says ," Are you Claire.." I say ,"No, I am Teresa." She laughs and says,"of course you are," but she still has that confused look on her face...She says that Claire just called and said she would be over in about 5 minutes. I told her I had just called. She is so confused and gets a little testy with me as she wants to know why I would tell them my name is Claire. I tell her I didn't. She ramps up a bit and says I did...I just say I don't know...Next we jump right into her BBBADDDDD day...
It is too long and too much info to go through but the highlighted version is that she is no longer an item with 'that bastard' Jack. They have been a couple for years and he should have told her there was another woman . I sat with Ruth, Eloise, and Marilyn(???) for dinner...OH MY HECK...Ruth was like a 12 yr old school girl. She kept pointing to the corner where Jack was sitting with Earl and I D and saying she knew they were talking about her and what did we think they were saying. I tried all the things that I told my own 12 yr olds(don't let him know it bothers you, put a smile on your face, it's not worth worrying about, your better off without him,etc etc etc) . Eloise would say I was right, Ruth would agree and then go right back into attack mode...She is really humiliating herself. I hate it but there is nothing I can say or do. She leaves the table for a minute and I tell Eloise how much we appreciate all she does for Ruth. She says she knows how hard it is on us to deal with Ruth and says Ruth is quite a dilemma..AMEN SISTER...
Mike calls and says he will stop by on his way home. I tell Ruth. That distracts for a few minutes so she stops pointing at Jack. She gushes and gushes over Mike and says I am her daughter in law....she has said it twice now so I must really be her daughter in law. Mike comes in and she jumps up and grabs him and kisses his cheek and hugs ...He is embarrassed and wants to just get her back to her room. She will not be moved so easily. She still has to stop by several tables to ask if they know what happened to her today. I walk over to Mike. He says to go get her and head her to her room. I walk back over and she looks at me like she doesn't know who I am or why I am there. I gently take her arm and say that Mike is ready to go have a chat with her. That triggers recognition and she flits over to where he was standing(he has already headed down the hall to avoid another huggy, kissy scene)
Her door is not even pulled all the way shut. The air conditioner is turned off so her room is about 200 degrees...Mike tells her to turn on the AC...she laughs and says ,"yes sir..."
Mike chats her up about Jack. He tries to help her understand that Jack never was her boyfriend. She wants Mike to go get her beer. He tells her no. He tries to explain to her that I took her a 12 pk yesterday afternoon. She says that is not true. She says that I told her that earlier but that is just not true. He tells her she is wrong. She doesn't want to talk about it. I keep my mouth SHUT...after stickin my hand in the fire of Ruth's wrath, I know to keep it to myself if she is talking with someone else...Mike tries to calm her. She says she is fine. He tells her she can't be thinking of taking a cab. She says she won't. She says she wanted Claire or me to stay with her for the weekend. He explains that Claire(CC) lives too far and that I am going with him. She understands. She says she is fine. She doesn't want to talk any more about the beer, cigs, money....she is done....Mike tells her he and I are going out to dinner so we need to go. She says she completely understands...She hugs us both and says how much she appreciates us...we walk out the door and close it behind us.
Ruth opens the door and calls us back and asks ,''what am I doing now? Am I putting my shoes on and going to smoke?" Mike says she can do what ever she wants to do. She says that is what she would normally do so he tells her to go for it.....
RINGGGGGGG...it's 7:40 and Ruth is calling....she needs to go to the grocery store and wants to know if I can come and take her. I tell her I can't tonight. She wants to know if I will come and take her tomorrow OR if Mike will...I ask her what she needs...she says,"oh you know, milk, bread, stuff like that"...B S , we just bought that and I was just in her apt and it is still there. I tell her I will have Mike call her tomorrow.....
Yesterday Carla told me that Ruth is their neediest resident....I am so worried that they are going to ask us to move her....
Today Jack's(the beer guzzling ,cigarette smokin bum ) girlfriend decided to confront Ruth and tell her that she(Ruth) is not Jacks girlfriend because she(Toni..) is and has been Jacks girlfriend...well that sent Ruth into a tizzy...by the time I heard from CC and called Corinthians ,Ruth was waiting up front for a cab...SERIOUSLY...she wasn't going to stay at that place anymore...I told Charlie(darling little new girl at Corinthians) to be sure to not let Ruth leave and that I was on my way....picture the music from the Lone Ranger with me actually passing cars to get there before she could get out of jail....
When I arrive at Corinthians, Dominique meets me at the door and says thanks for coming...I ask how bad it is...she just looks at me and says again,"thanks for coming...'' Ruth is walking towards me and hugs me and says she is so glad I am there. She looks at me funny and says ," Are you Claire.." I say ,"No, I am Teresa." She laughs and says,"of course you are," but she still has that confused look on her face...She says that Claire just called and said she would be over in about 5 minutes. I told her I had just called. She is so confused and gets a little testy with me as she wants to know why I would tell them my name is Claire. I tell her I didn't. She ramps up a bit and says I did...I just say I don't know...Next we jump right into her BBBADDDDD day...
It is too long and too much info to go through but the highlighted version is that she is no longer an item with 'that bastard' Jack. They have been a couple for years and he should have told her there was another woman . I sat with Ruth, Eloise, and Marilyn(???) for dinner...OH MY HECK...Ruth was like a 12 yr old school girl. She kept pointing to the corner where Jack was sitting with Earl and I D and saying she knew they were talking about her and what did we think they were saying. I tried all the things that I told my own 12 yr olds(don't let him know it bothers you, put a smile on your face, it's not worth worrying about, your better off without him,etc etc etc) . Eloise would say I was right, Ruth would agree and then go right back into attack mode...She is really humiliating herself. I hate it but there is nothing I can say or do. She leaves the table for a minute and I tell Eloise how much we appreciate all she does for Ruth. She says she knows how hard it is on us to deal with Ruth and says Ruth is quite a dilemma..AMEN SISTER...
Mike calls and says he will stop by on his way home. I tell Ruth. That distracts for a few minutes so she stops pointing at Jack. She gushes and gushes over Mike and says I am her daughter in law....she has said it twice now so I must really be her daughter in law. Mike comes in and she jumps up and grabs him and kisses his cheek and hugs ...He is embarrassed and wants to just get her back to her room. She will not be moved so easily. She still has to stop by several tables to ask if they know what happened to her today. I walk over to Mike. He says to go get her and head her to her room. I walk back over and she looks at me like she doesn't know who I am or why I am there. I gently take her arm and say that Mike is ready to go have a chat with her. That triggers recognition and she flits over to where he was standing(he has already headed down the hall to avoid another huggy, kissy scene)
Her door is not even pulled all the way shut. The air conditioner is turned off so her room is about 200 degrees...Mike tells her to turn on the AC...she laughs and says ,"yes sir..."
Mike chats her up about Jack. He tries to help her understand that Jack never was her boyfriend. She wants Mike to go get her beer. He tells her no. He tries to explain to her that I took her a 12 pk yesterday afternoon. She says that is not true. She says that I told her that earlier but that is just not true. He tells her she is wrong. She doesn't want to talk about it. I keep my mouth SHUT...after stickin my hand in the fire of Ruth's wrath, I know to keep it to myself if she is talking with someone else...Mike tries to calm her. She says she is fine. He tells her she can't be thinking of taking a cab. She says she won't. She says she wanted Claire or me to stay with her for the weekend. He explains that Claire(CC) lives too far and that I am going with him. She understands. She says she is fine. She doesn't want to talk any more about the beer, cigs, money....she is done....Mike tells her he and I are going out to dinner so we need to go. She says she completely understands...She hugs us both and says how much she appreciates us...we walk out the door and close it behind us.
Ruth opens the door and calls us back and asks ,''what am I doing now? Am I putting my shoes on and going to smoke?" Mike says she can do what ever she wants to do. She says that is what she would normally do so he tells her to go for it.....
RINGGGGGGG...it's 7:40 and Ruth is calling....she needs to go to the grocery store and wants to know if I can come and take her. I tell her I can't tonight. She wants to know if I will come and take her tomorrow OR if Mike will...I ask her what she needs...she says,"oh you know, milk, bread, stuff like that"...B S , we just bought that and I was just in her apt and it is still there. I tell her I will have Mike call her tomorrow.....
Yesterday Carla told me that Ruth is their neediest resident....I am so worried that they are going to ask us to move her....
Monday, August 9, 2010
Fun at Krogers
I have figured out that Ruth is an adventure whether you are with her everyday or see her every couple of weeks....always an adventure....
Today's fun adventure was a trip to Kroger...her all time favorite store. I am sure that she will be welcomed to Heaven through the sliding door of a Kroger store. If they had any idea what a loyal customer she has been , they should give her a free years supply of groceries. She really thinks they all know who she is and are just waiting for her to come in. She trips up to every employee, tilts her head ,grins from ear to ear while touching their name tag(which is usually located right over their boobie...I cringe each time) and then makes some goofy comment ,using their first name and continues to stand and grin until they make some gesture. It doesn't take much, just a little comment from them and she trips off completely sure that she has made their day...thank you to all the Kroger employees who make Ruth's life so complete. I am sad to say that I think they do a much better job than we do sometimes...of course, like I tell CC all the time, she is not their mother...
When I arrived at Corinthians to pick Ruth up today, sharply at the 1 P M time that she had verified 3 times this morning, she was staring out the front window. I went inside and Carla told her that I was there. She looked over and said they were looking at the front of my car and she just didn't know if she could get in it.."Why does it look like that? What is wrong with it? The front just goes down...'' I try to explain that it is made that way to be more aerodynamically correct(what the heck is wrong with me)...she just looks at me like I am some kind of nut and says she just doesn't think she can ride in it...I drive a silly Nissan Quest Van, not some kind of sports car...She is genuinely frightened so I ask her if she wants to ride in the back. She says she doesn't think she can. I ask her if she would like for me to go get what she needs and bring it back. She ducks her head a bit and says she needs to go with me, just tell her where to sit and she will do it. I softly croon silly conversation for the 5 minutes(10 hours) it takes to get to Kroger. I hate that it scares her so much.
She makes a bee line for the cigarette counter to be sure she gets the right cigs. She has changed her cigs. I ask her if she is buying them for herself or for someone else . She says she buys them for whoever needs them. I ask her if they are helping her pay for them. She flares up a bit and wants to know why I know about any of this. I tell her I am married to her son so I know everything. She mellows and tells me I am the luckiest person in the world to be married to him. I smile and say I know I am. She stops and looks at me and says,"You really do know that, don't you?" I say yes...She interrupts the girls who is checking out someone else by handing her her cigarette pack to be sure she gets the right one. The girl asks her to wait a minute...Ruth looks befuddled...The girls now addresses her and starts to get her cigs. Ruth goes into a long explanation about wanting the carton of cigs now and she will pay her when she gets all her groceries(thats my translation as her rambling words confused the girl)...the cashier looks perplexed...I cautiously step forword and tell Ruth that she cannot have the cigs until she pays for them...I brace for impact as Ruth gets pretty feisty with me when I intervene ...She looks sharply at me and asks how I know that...I lightly point out the lock on the cabinet and say something foolish like they keep them locked up to keep her from stealing them...oh hahaha...She asks the cashier if that is true and after she gets the same hahaha answer from the cashier we trip off into the bliss of Kroger..
Ruth is very nervous today. She keeps saying she is so shaky and so anxious. She says over and over that she couldn't do this without me. She would show me an item on her list and I would say it was on a certain aisle and that we were going to that aisle. She would say for me to lead the way. We would get to said aisle and she would ask me why we were there. I would tell her that this aisle is where the item she wants is. She would ask me how I know what she wants. I would say it was on her list. She would ask how I know that. I would say that she had just showed it to me. We did that with EVERY item. If I gave her a choice with an item(i.e. ham) she would put her hands over her ears and say she could not figure that out...I just needed to choose...We counted down every item like a NASA launch...she was so anxious to be done...
It was beer time...C C and I have taken a blood oath( O K , that is a lie but we did commit to it) to not buy her any more beer...I AM THE GOOD COP....I AM AFRAID TO TELL HER NO...BBUUUTTT...I muster up all my courage and say, " CC said she wants you to buy the same beer she bought for you before( that's right, I am a chicken, I laid it all on CC)....Ruth looked a little perplexed and then said O K....we got the non alcohol beer(maybe I should try that myself, I sure miss a good cold beer)...I won..I won....she was none the wiser...we are done with our little trip to Kroger..
On the way out she asks me where I am taking her. I tell her back to her apartment, did she have anywhere else she wanted to go...she says no ,she just wondered...I ask her where she was thinking she might go...she says she was thinking of going to her Mom and Dads home, in Larchmont...I tell her that would be a long drive...she again puts her hands over her ears and says not to say that, she can't hear about a long drive...I take her hand and tell her I was just kidding, we are not even thinking about driving to Larchmont today...she seems relieved and just wants to get in the van(the drive to see her Mom and Dad would be way further than Larchmont, I think...)
At one point in the store Ruth looks up at me and says that since she knows I am going to talk to Cindy, I can tell her that she and Jack(not her ex) are no longer an item. She says he was just driving her crazy and that she is done with him...good deal and good riddance you bum....
We get the groceries put away...she wants to go out and smoke a cig...I tell her to just smoke one inside( I am so hot) but she says she can't...she is not smoking inside...it is so brutally hot outside and pretty messy...the mess makes her crazy... I am going to take this up with Corinthians...if they want these little peeps to not smoke in their rooms, they should provide them a decent place to smoke...I mean it...
Ruth is pleasant and very thankful for all I do...we need to do better for her soooo get ready kiddos, you are about to get involved....
good night Ms Ruth
Today's fun adventure was a trip to Kroger...her all time favorite store. I am sure that she will be welcomed to Heaven through the sliding door of a Kroger store. If they had any idea what a loyal customer she has been , they should give her a free years supply of groceries. She really thinks they all know who she is and are just waiting for her to come in. She trips up to every employee, tilts her head ,grins from ear to ear while touching their name tag(which is usually located right over their boobie...I cringe each time) and then makes some goofy comment ,using their first name and continues to stand and grin until they make some gesture. It doesn't take much, just a little comment from them and she trips off completely sure that she has made their day...thank you to all the Kroger employees who make Ruth's life so complete. I am sad to say that I think they do a much better job than we do sometimes...of course, like I tell CC all the time, she is not their mother...
When I arrived at Corinthians to pick Ruth up today, sharply at the 1 P M time that she had verified 3 times this morning, she was staring out the front window. I went inside and Carla told her that I was there. She looked over and said they were looking at the front of my car and she just didn't know if she could get in it.."Why does it look like that? What is wrong with it? The front just goes down...'' I try to explain that it is made that way to be more aerodynamically correct(what the heck is wrong with me)...she just looks at me like I am some kind of nut and says she just doesn't think she can ride in it...I drive a silly Nissan Quest Van, not some kind of sports car...She is genuinely frightened so I ask her if she wants to ride in the back. She says she doesn't think she can. I ask her if she would like for me to go get what she needs and bring it back. She ducks her head a bit and says she needs to go with me, just tell her where to sit and she will do it. I softly croon silly conversation for the 5 minutes(10 hours) it takes to get to Kroger. I hate that it scares her so much.
She makes a bee line for the cigarette counter to be sure she gets the right cigs. She has changed her cigs. I ask her if she is buying them for herself or for someone else . She says she buys them for whoever needs them. I ask her if they are helping her pay for them. She flares up a bit and wants to know why I know about any of this. I tell her I am married to her son so I know everything. She mellows and tells me I am the luckiest person in the world to be married to him. I smile and say I know I am. She stops and looks at me and says,"You really do know that, don't you?" I say yes...She interrupts the girls who is checking out someone else by handing her her cigarette pack to be sure she gets the right one. The girl asks her to wait a minute...Ruth looks befuddled...The girls now addresses her and starts to get her cigs. Ruth goes into a long explanation about wanting the carton of cigs now and she will pay her when she gets all her groceries(thats my translation as her rambling words confused the girl)...the cashier looks perplexed...I cautiously step forword and tell Ruth that she cannot have the cigs until she pays for them...I brace for impact as Ruth gets pretty feisty with me when I intervene ...She looks sharply at me and asks how I know that...I lightly point out the lock on the cabinet and say something foolish like they keep them locked up to keep her from stealing them...oh hahaha...She asks the cashier if that is true and after she gets the same hahaha answer from the cashier we trip off into the bliss of Kroger..
Ruth is very nervous today. She keeps saying she is so shaky and so anxious. She says over and over that she couldn't do this without me. She would show me an item on her list and I would say it was on a certain aisle and that we were going to that aisle. She would say for me to lead the way. We would get to said aisle and she would ask me why we were there. I would tell her that this aisle is where the item she wants is. She would ask me how I know what she wants. I would say it was on her list. She would ask how I know that. I would say that she had just showed it to me. We did that with EVERY item. If I gave her a choice with an item(i.e. ham) she would put her hands over her ears and say she could not figure that out...I just needed to choose...We counted down every item like a NASA launch...she was so anxious to be done...
It was beer time...C C and I have taken a blood oath( O K , that is a lie but we did commit to it) to not buy her any more beer...I AM THE GOOD COP....I AM AFRAID TO TELL HER NO...BBUUUTTT...I muster up all my courage and say, " CC said she wants you to buy the same beer she bought for you before( that's right, I am a chicken, I laid it all on CC)....Ruth looked a little perplexed and then said O K....we got the non alcohol beer(maybe I should try that myself, I sure miss a good cold beer)...I won..I won....she was none the wiser...we are done with our little trip to Kroger..
On the way out she asks me where I am taking her. I tell her back to her apartment, did she have anywhere else she wanted to go...she says no ,she just wondered...I ask her where she was thinking she might go...she says she was thinking of going to her Mom and Dads home, in Larchmont...I tell her that would be a long drive...she again puts her hands over her ears and says not to say that, she can't hear about a long drive...I take her hand and tell her I was just kidding, we are not even thinking about driving to Larchmont today...she seems relieved and just wants to get in the van(the drive to see her Mom and Dad would be way further than Larchmont, I think...)
At one point in the store Ruth looks up at me and says that since she knows I am going to talk to Cindy, I can tell her that she and Jack(not her ex) are no longer an item. She says he was just driving her crazy and that she is done with him...good deal and good riddance you bum....
We get the groceries put away...she wants to go out and smoke a cig...I tell her to just smoke one inside( I am so hot) but she says she can't...she is not smoking inside...it is so brutally hot outside and pretty messy...the mess makes her crazy... I am going to take this up with Corinthians...if they want these little peeps to not smoke in their rooms, they should provide them a decent place to smoke...I mean it...
Ruth is pleasant and very thankful for all I do...we need to do better for her soooo get ready kiddos, you are about to get involved....
good night Ms Ruth
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Oh man, it just doesn't stop. She called me again. She's usually asleep by 9:00. She wants to know how can I get her cigs and beer? What time can I be there tomorrow?
I again tell her that I have to work and cannot be there. She says she knows. She says she'll walk to the store and get a cab back. I tell her she doesn't know where the store is and will get lost. She tells me I'm right.
My fear is that she will do something so stupid just to get her cigs and beer.
I told her that I made a decision today to quit smoking. Which I did. Cigs, as much as I love them, are just to expensive and I cannot afford them. I said, maybe we could quit together. NO. Then she is in a hurry to hang up. Which she did. She literally hung up on me. She is aggitated. I understand the aggitation. No cigs. I'll be that aggitated tomorrow and probably for the next couple of months without cigs.
I am so lost in this. I cannot make her happy, and even when I do visit-thinking it will make her happy, she doesn't remember that I visited.
The first time she called me today she asked me if she should call me Cindy or Claire. Uh, Cindy.
Just got off the phone with Teresa.
T. You are way more understanding than I am. Thanks for all you help and for trying to keep me going when I am feeling ready to give up.
Holding on.
I again tell her that I have to work and cannot be there. She says she knows. She says she'll walk to the store and get a cab back. I tell her she doesn't know where the store is and will get lost. She tells me I'm right.
My fear is that she will do something so stupid just to get her cigs and beer.
I told her that I made a decision today to quit smoking. Which I did. Cigs, as much as I love them, are just to expensive and I cannot afford them. I said, maybe we could quit together. NO. Then she is in a hurry to hang up. Which she did. She literally hung up on me. She is aggitated. I understand the aggitation. No cigs. I'll be that aggitated tomorrow and probably for the next couple of months without cigs.
I am so lost in this. I cannot make her happy, and even when I do visit-thinking it will make her happy, she doesn't remember that I visited.
The first time she called me today she asked me if she should call me Cindy or Claire. Uh, Cindy.
Just got off the phone with Teresa.
T. You are way more understanding than I am. Thanks for all you help and for trying to keep me going when I am feeling ready to give up.
Holding on.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sweet Claire
Needless to say, my standing in the Whelan family has never been anything that anyone would wish for . My first meeting with Ruth was after Rick had decided to tell her that Mike had called and told him that he was getting married. Mike had called Rick the week before we were going down to talk to Ruth and Jack to ask Rick to be sure Ruth would be home as Mike felt the best thing to do was to tell her in person. As with a lot of siblings, Rick promised Mike he would not tell and proceeded to spill the beans to Ruth. She hit the ceiling and said we would be wasting our time if we went to see her. We went any how...I believed after she met me, she would change her mind....NOT SO MUCH...she escalated into a mean tizzy as we tried to talk and for the first and last time in my life, I was disrespectful to an adult...I couldn't understand her stand...AT ALL...Oh to be 19 and so stupid again...Ruth said if we got married we were to never come back...we took the challenge...quickly afterwards I knew we had to repair the damage...Ruth is not so 'repairable'...
On our second visit to Ruth, Claire,Ruths twin sister, was there...She was delightful..she fussed over us and said how sweet I was...Ruth would not even respond to Claire's statements...she wasn't ready to make amends...As we left Claire hugged me and looked back at Ruth(to be sure Ruth heard her) and said, " I would be proud for you to be my daughter in law and call me Mom"...I will never forget the simple act of support that Claire offered me in that fragile time of my entry into the family. Thank you so much sweet Claire...
With Clarie's passing today,Ruth becomes the only surviving member of her family. We will not tell her about Claire. She has not talked with her in ages and actually thinks C C is Claire most of the time. I am sad for Ruth but she is in a place in her own mind where she thinks she is still living with her brothers and sisters a lot of the time.
Life continues to roll on....
On our second visit to Ruth, Claire,Ruths twin sister, was there...She was delightful..she fussed over us and said how sweet I was...Ruth would not even respond to Claire's statements...she wasn't ready to make amends...As we left Claire hugged me and looked back at Ruth(to be sure Ruth heard her) and said, " I would be proud for you to be my daughter in law and call me Mom"...I will never forget the simple act of support that Claire offered me in that fragile time of my entry into the family. Thank you so much sweet Claire...
With Clarie's passing today,Ruth becomes the only surviving member of her family. We will not tell her about Claire. She has not talked with her in ages and actually thinks C C is Claire most of the time. I am sad for Ruth but she is in a place in her own mind where she thinks she is still living with her brothers and sisters a lot of the time.
Life continues to roll on....
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Mom called twice this morning asking when I would be there again. There are things she needs from the grocery store. I remind her that it will be a week from Sun. I did not ask what she needs, I already know.
I called her tonight to make sure she is OK and she seems fine. Sober and hoping her friend Elouise comes to visit her. Not a word about Jack. My best guess is, no beer, no Jack. We will see.
Hoping she rests easy tonight.
I called her tonight to make sure she is OK and she seems fine. Sober and hoping her friend Elouise comes to visit her. Not a word about Jack. My best guess is, no beer, no Jack. We will see.
Hoping she rests easy tonight.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
C C Is a Lunatic
CC has cracked under the pressure...I know it may sound like she has cracked under the pressure of Ruth's beer guzzling ways so I will explain a little more about her last post....
CC has spent each of her visits with Ruth TRYING to make her understand her situation. She constantly tries the loving daughter Cindy approach but usually has to resort to the mean friend Cindy approach. Nothing she or Mike say seems to penetrate Ruth's brain deep enough to make any change. In less than 2 weeks Ruth has spent(her money and our money) more than $430 on beer and cigs...AND when I went over today there was not one beer in her fridge. When CC was over Sunday she left Ruth with 30 beers in the fridge and approx 25 pks of cigs(today she had 6 pks left). CC was very straightforward with Ruth and told her that she would NOT be back for 2 weeks so that had to last her that long. Ruth said..'O K.." Yesterday morning she called and said she needed to go to the store.."For stuff..." SOOOOOOO...once again she had gone through 30 beers in 2 days....oh what to do....
I talked to Ruth about 8 times between yesterday and today...she needed medicine for her tummy so I got her that, bread, milk, cheezits,and some activia yogurt. She was strangely pleasant today. She said she doesn't drink much and only shares a couple of her beers with Jack. I tried to help her understand about how concerned everyone is that she not be taken advantage of. She said Jack is a very nice man and would never take advantage of her...BALONEY!!!!... Our visit was upbeat most of the time ...it's a lot easier for me than for CC and Mike as I am the good cop...While she is literally driving us to drink with all the beer that is being bought, she is much more calm about being at Corinthians...She also seems to be in more of a fog sometimes but she seems eerily coherent ...It is just so darn confusing for us...
CC, the debit card thief(I am still laughing about that little trick play) made the exact right move by confiscating that card. I am watching the account to be sure Ruth doesn't write Jack a check. She didn't ask me for beer today so I feel strongly that she already had a plan in motion to obtain her beer.
All in all, we are actually in a better place with Ruth right now, we just have to stop the endless flow of beer and cigs somehow....
So you see, CC is not a lunatic(well spoken by her lunatic cohort)...she is simply at her wits end with driving 2 hours in a hot car to try to help Ruth find her safe, happy place AND Ruth not listening to a thing any of us say....
I AM WITH YOU CC...I PLEDGE TO NOT BUY HER ANY MORE BEER(you may have to steal the check books next though...)
CC has spent each of her visits with Ruth TRYING to make her understand her situation. She constantly tries the loving daughter Cindy approach but usually has to resort to the mean friend Cindy approach. Nothing she or Mike say seems to penetrate Ruth's brain deep enough to make any change. In less than 2 weeks Ruth has spent(her money and our money) more than $430 on beer and cigs...AND when I went over today there was not one beer in her fridge. When CC was over Sunday she left Ruth with 30 beers in the fridge and approx 25 pks of cigs(today she had 6 pks left). CC was very straightforward with Ruth and told her that she would NOT be back for 2 weeks so that had to last her that long. Ruth said..'O K.." Yesterday morning she called and said she needed to go to the store.."For stuff..." SOOOOOOO...once again she had gone through 30 beers in 2 days....oh what to do....
I talked to Ruth about 8 times between yesterday and today...she needed medicine for her tummy so I got her that, bread, milk, cheezits,and some activia yogurt. She was strangely pleasant today. She said she doesn't drink much and only shares a couple of her beers with Jack. I tried to help her understand about how concerned everyone is that she not be taken advantage of. She said Jack is a very nice man and would never take advantage of her...BALONEY!!!!... Our visit was upbeat most of the time ...it's a lot easier for me than for CC and Mike as I am the good cop...While she is literally driving us to drink with all the beer that is being bought, she is much more calm about being at Corinthians...She also seems to be in more of a fog sometimes but she seems eerily coherent ...It is just so darn confusing for us...
CC, the debit card thief(I am still laughing about that little trick play) made the exact right move by confiscating that card. I am watching the account to be sure Ruth doesn't write Jack a check. She didn't ask me for beer today so I feel strongly that she already had a plan in motion to obtain her beer.
All in all, we are actually in a better place with Ruth right now, we just have to stop the endless flow of beer and cigs somehow....
So you see, CC is not a lunatic(well spoken by her lunatic cohort)...she is simply at her wits end with driving 2 hours in a hot car to try to help Ruth find her safe, happy place AND Ruth not listening to a thing any of us say....
I AM WITH YOU CC...I PLEDGE TO NOT BUY HER ANY MORE BEER(you may have to steal the check books next though...)
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