Wow, talk about a jerk. Jack asked me if I would pick up a pack of cigs for him when I go to the store. I told him I'm not going to the store. A few minutes later he said there is a convenience store just down the street. I told him again, I'm not going out. He said "you must not be a smoker." I said that yes I am a smoker but its 105 degrees outside and my car has no AC. As I started to look away from him and back to Mom, I saw what I can only describe as a "look." I think he doesn't like me. Aaaawwww. Bad me.
When Mom and I got back to her apt. I told her that I don't like Jack, he's a jerk. She quickly told me she didn't care if I like him or not. He's her boyfriend. I'm beginning to think ANY man named Jack would be her boyfriend. Honestly, this guy is so gross I wanna gag. Oh man, I just did.
While we were sitting outside with Jack, Mom said "I introduced you to that guy in the dining room as my sister. Are you my sister or daughter?" I again told her that I am her daughter.
She was showing me around and explaining Corinthians to me like I had never been there before. She even stopped one of the kids who works in the dining room if he would show me those wonderful glasses they use for the iced tea. I interrupted her and told her that I have not only seen those glasses, I have been served tea in those glasses. Yes Mom, they are beautiful. When I kept saying I know, she asked if I had been there before. I explained that I have been there many times and have had lunch with her on several occaisions she just said "Oh"
As I was leaving, she asked me who was at home, who lives with me. Again, I tell her no one, I reminder her that I live alone. She remarked how different it must be to live alone after all those years of living with all the kids. I don't say anything. It's just too confusing for her, and for me.
Given the fact that she never even remembers that I visit, I'm wondering why I do. I think I am doing it out of some kind of Whelan induced guilt.
For now, she is out of beer, cigs and milk. Oh well. Maybe Jack's real girlfriend can go get them their stuff cause I stood my ground and did not go to the store.
That' all for today.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
THE BREAKUP
Have I said.."oh my goodness...oh my goodness"...well of course I have but this time I really mean.."OH MY GOODNESS...OH MY GOODNESS''
Today Jack's(the beer guzzling ,cigarette smokin bum ) girlfriend decided to confront Ruth and tell her that she(Ruth) is not Jacks girlfriend because she(Toni..) is and has been Jacks girlfriend...well that sent Ruth into a tizzy...by the time I heard from CC and called Corinthians ,Ruth was waiting up front for a cab...SERIOUSLY...she wasn't going to stay at that place anymore...I told Charlie(darling little new girl at Corinthians) to be sure to not let Ruth leave and that I was on my way....picture the music from the Lone Ranger with me actually passing cars to get there before she could get out of jail....
When I arrive at Corinthians, Dominique meets me at the door and says thanks for coming...I ask how bad it is...she just looks at me and says again,"thanks for coming...'' Ruth is walking towards me and hugs me and says she is so glad I am there. She looks at me funny and says ," Are you Claire.." I say ,"No, I am Teresa." She laughs and says,"of course you are," but she still has that confused look on her face...She says that Claire just called and said she would be over in about 5 minutes. I told her I had just called. She is so confused and gets a little testy with me as she wants to know why I would tell them my name is Claire. I tell her I didn't. She ramps up a bit and says I did...I just say I don't know...Next we jump right into her BBBADDDDD day...
It is too long and too much info to go through but the highlighted version is that she is no longer an item with 'that bastard' Jack. They have been a couple for years and he should have told her there was another woman . I sat with Ruth, Eloise, and Marilyn(???) for dinner...OH MY HECK...Ruth was like a 12 yr old school girl. She kept pointing to the corner where Jack was sitting with Earl and I D and saying she knew they were talking about her and what did we think they were saying. I tried all the things that I told my own 12 yr olds(don't let him know it bothers you, put a smile on your face, it's not worth worrying about, your better off without him,etc etc etc) . Eloise would say I was right, Ruth would agree and then go right back into attack mode...She is really humiliating herself. I hate it but there is nothing I can say or do. She leaves the table for a minute and I tell Eloise how much we appreciate all she does for Ruth. She says she knows how hard it is on us to deal with Ruth and says Ruth is quite a dilemma..AMEN SISTER...
Mike calls and says he will stop by on his way home. I tell Ruth. That distracts for a few minutes so she stops pointing at Jack. She gushes and gushes over Mike and says I am her daughter in law....she has said it twice now so I must really be her daughter in law. Mike comes in and she jumps up and grabs him and kisses his cheek and hugs ...He is embarrassed and wants to just get her back to her room. She will not be moved so easily. She still has to stop by several tables to ask if they know what happened to her today. I walk over to Mike. He says to go get her and head her to her room. I walk back over and she looks at me like she doesn't know who I am or why I am there. I gently take her arm and say that Mike is ready to go have a chat with her. That triggers recognition and she flits over to where he was standing(he has already headed down the hall to avoid another huggy, kissy scene)
Her door is not even pulled all the way shut. The air conditioner is turned off so her room is about 200 degrees...Mike tells her to turn on the AC...she laughs and says ,"yes sir..."
Mike chats her up about Jack. He tries to help her understand that Jack never was her boyfriend. She wants Mike to go get her beer. He tells her no. He tries to explain to her that I took her a 12 pk yesterday afternoon. She says that is not true. She says that I told her that earlier but that is just not true. He tells her she is wrong. She doesn't want to talk about it. I keep my mouth SHUT...after stickin my hand in the fire of Ruth's wrath, I know to keep it to myself if she is talking with someone else...Mike tries to calm her. She says she is fine. He tells her she can't be thinking of taking a cab. She says she won't. She says she wanted Claire or me to stay with her for the weekend. He explains that Claire(CC) lives too far and that I am going with him. She understands. She says she is fine. She doesn't want to talk any more about the beer, cigs, money....she is done....Mike tells her he and I are going out to dinner so we need to go. She says she completely understands...She hugs us both and says how much she appreciates us...we walk out the door and close it behind us.
Ruth opens the door and calls us back and asks ,''what am I doing now? Am I putting my shoes on and going to smoke?" Mike says she can do what ever she wants to do. She says that is what she would normally do so he tells her to go for it.....
RINGGGGGGG...it's 7:40 and Ruth is calling....she needs to go to the grocery store and wants to know if I can come and take her. I tell her I can't tonight. She wants to know if I will come and take her tomorrow OR if Mike will...I ask her what she needs...she says,"oh you know, milk, bread, stuff like that"...B S , we just bought that and I was just in her apt and it is still there. I tell her I will have Mike call her tomorrow.....
Yesterday Carla told me that Ruth is their neediest resident....I am so worried that they are going to ask us to move her....
Today Jack's(the beer guzzling ,cigarette smokin bum ) girlfriend decided to confront Ruth and tell her that she(Ruth) is not Jacks girlfriend because she(Toni..) is and has been Jacks girlfriend...well that sent Ruth into a tizzy...by the time I heard from CC and called Corinthians ,Ruth was waiting up front for a cab...SERIOUSLY...she wasn't going to stay at that place anymore...I told Charlie(darling little new girl at Corinthians) to be sure to not let Ruth leave and that I was on my way....picture the music from the Lone Ranger with me actually passing cars to get there before she could get out of jail....
When I arrive at Corinthians, Dominique meets me at the door and says thanks for coming...I ask how bad it is...she just looks at me and says again,"thanks for coming...'' Ruth is walking towards me and hugs me and says she is so glad I am there. She looks at me funny and says ," Are you Claire.." I say ,"No, I am Teresa." She laughs and says,"of course you are," but she still has that confused look on her face...She says that Claire just called and said she would be over in about 5 minutes. I told her I had just called. She is so confused and gets a little testy with me as she wants to know why I would tell them my name is Claire. I tell her I didn't. She ramps up a bit and says I did...I just say I don't know...Next we jump right into her BBBADDDDD day...
It is too long and too much info to go through but the highlighted version is that she is no longer an item with 'that bastard' Jack. They have been a couple for years and he should have told her there was another woman . I sat with Ruth, Eloise, and Marilyn(???) for dinner...OH MY HECK...Ruth was like a 12 yr old school girl. She kept pointing to the corner where Jack was sitting with Earl and I D and saying she knew they were talking about her and what did we think they were saying. I tried all the things that I told my own 12 yr olds(don't let him know it bothers you, put a smile on your face, it's not worth worrying about, your better off without him,etc etc etc) . Eloise would say I was right, Ruth would agree and then go right back into attack mode...She is really humiliating herself. I hate it but there is nothing I can say or do. She leaves the table for a minute and I tell Eloise how much we appreciate all she does for Ruth. She says she knows how hard it is on us to deal with Ruth and says Ruth is quite a dilemma..AMEN SISTER...
Mike calls and says he will stop by on his way home. I tell Ruth. That distracts for a few minutes so she stops pointing at Jack. She gushes and gushes over Mike and says I am her daughter in law....she has said it twice now so I must really be her daughter in law. Mike comes in and she jumps up and grabs him and kisses his cheek and hugs ...He is embarrassed and wants to just get her back to her room. She will not be moved so easily. She still has to stop by several tables to ask if they know what happened to her today. I walk over to Mike. He says to go get her and head her to her room. I walk back over and she looks at me like she doesn't know who I am or why I am there. I gently take her arm and say that Mike is ready to go have a chat with her. That triggers recognition and she flits over to where he was standing(he has already headed down the hall to avoid another huggy, kissy scene)
Her door is not even pulled all the way shut. The air conditioner is turned off so her room is about 200 degrees...Mike tells her to turn on the AC...she laughs and says ,"yes sir..."
Mike chats her up about Jack. He tries to help her understand that Jack never was her boyfriend. She wants Mike to go get her beer. He tells her no. He tries to explain to her that I took her a 12 pk yesterday afternoon. She says that is not true. She says that I told her that earlier but that is just not true. He tells her she is wrong. She doesn't want to talk about it. I keep my mouth SHUT...after stickin my hand in the fire of Ruth's wrath, I know to keep it to myself if she is talking with someone else...Mike tries to calm her. She says she is fine. He tells her she can't be thinking of taking a cab. She says she won't. She says she wanted Claire or me to stay with her for the weekend. He explains that Claire(CC) lives too far and that I am going with him. She understands. She says she is fine. She doesn't want to talk any more about the beer, cigs, money....she is done....Mike tells her he and I are going out to dinner so we need to go. She says she completely understands...She hugs us both and says how much she appreciates us...we walk out the door and close it behind us.
Ruth opens the door and calls us back and asks ,''what am I doing now? Am I putting my shoes on and going to smoke?" Mike says she can do what ever she wants to do. She says that is what she would normally do so he tells her to go for it.....
RINGGGGGGG...it's 7:40 and Ruth is calling....she needs to go to the grocery store and wants to know if I can come and take her. I tell her I can't tonight. She wants to know if I will come and take her tomorrow OR if Mike will...I ask her what she needs...she says,"oh you know, milk, bread, stuff like that"...B S , we just bought that and I was just in her apt and it is still there. I tell her I will have Mike call her tomorrow.....
Yesterday Carla told me that Ruth is their neediest resident....I am so worried that they are going to ask us to move her....
Monday, August 9, 2010
Fun at Krogers
I have figured out that Ruth is an adventure whether you are with her everyday or see her every couple of weeks....always an adventure....
Today's fun adventure was a trip to Kroger...her all time favorite store. I am sure that she will be welcomed to Heaven through the sliding door of a Kroger store. If they had any idea what a loyal customer she has been , they should give her a free years supply of groceries. She really thinks they all know who she is and are just waiting for her to come in. She trips up to every employee, tilts her head ,grins from ear to ear while touching their name tag(which is usually located right over their boobie...I cringe each time) and then makes some goofy comment ,using their first name and continues to stand and grin until they make some gesture. It doesn't take much, just a little comment from them and she trips off completely sure that she has made their day...thank you to all the Kroger employees who make Ruth's life so complete. I am sad to say that I think they do a much better job than we do sometimes...of course, like I tell CC all the time, she is not their mother...
When I arrived at Corinthians to pick Ruth up today, sharply at the 1 P M time that she had verified 3 times this morning, she was staring out the front window. I went inside and Carla told her that I was there. She looked over and said they were looking at the front of my car and she just didn't know if she could get in it.."Why does it look like that? What is wrong with it? The front just goes down...'' I try to explain that it is made that way to be more aerodynamically correct(what the heck is wrong with me)...she just looks at me like I am some kind of nut and says she just doesn't think she can ride in it...I drive a silly Nissan Quest Van, not some kind of sports car...She is genuinely frightened so I ask her if she wants to ride in the back. She says she doesn't think she can. I ask her if she would like for me to go get what she needs and bring it back. She ducks her head a bit and says she needs to go with me, just tell her where to sit and she will do it. I softly croon silly conversation for the 5 minutes(10 hours) it takes to get to Kroger. I hate that it scares her so much.
She makes a bee line for the cigarette counter to be sure she gets the right cigs. She has changed her cigs. I ask her if she is buying them for herself or for someone else . She says she buys them for whoever needs them. I ask her if they are helping her pay for them. She flares up a bit and wants to know why I know about any of this. I tell her I am married to her son so I know everything. She mellows and tells me I am the luckiest person in the world to be married to him. I smile and say I know I am. She stops and looks at me and says,"You really do know that, don't you?" I say yes...She interrupts the girls who is checking out someone else by handing her her cigarette pack to be sure she gets the right one. The girl asks her to wait a minute...Ruth looks befuddled...The girls now addresses her and starts to get her cigs. Ruth goes into a long explanation about wanting the carton of cigs now and she will pay her when she gets all her groceries(thats my translation as her rambling words confused the girl)...the cashier looks perplexed...I cautiously step forword and tell Ruth that she cannot have the cigs until she pays for them...I brace for impact as Ruth gets pretty feisty with me when I intervene ...She looks sharply at me and asks how I know that...I lightly point out the lock on the cabinet and say something foolish like they keep them locked up to keep her from stealing them...oh hahaha...She asks the cashier if that is true and after she gets the same hahaha answer from the cashier we trip off into the bliss of Kroger..
Ruth is very nervous today. She keeps saying she is so shaky and so anxious. She says over and over that she couldn't do this without me. She would show me an item on her list and I would say it was on a certain aisle and that we were going to that aisle. She would say for me to lead the way. We would get to said aisle and she would ask me why we were there. I would tell her that this aisle is where the item she wants is. She would ask me how I know what she wants. I would say it was on her list. She would ask how I know that. I would say that she had just showed it to me. We did that with EVERY item. If I gave her a choice with an item(i.e. ham) she would put her hands over her ears and say she could not figure that out...I just needed to choose...We counted down every item like a NASA launch...she was so anxious to be done...
It was beer time...C C and I have taken a blood oath( O K , that is a lie but we did commit to it) to not buy her any more beer...I AM THE GOOD COP....I AM AFRAID TO TELL HER NO...BBUUUTTT...I muster up all my courage and say, " CC said she wants you to buy the same beer she bought for you before( that's right, I am a chicken, I laid it all on CC)....Ruth looked a little perplexed and then said O K....we got the non alcohol beer(maybe I should try that myself, I sure miss a good cold beer)...I won..I won....she was none the wiser...we are done with our little trip to Kroger..
On the way out she asks me where I am taking her. I tell her back to her apartment, did she have anywhere else she wanted to go...she says no ,she just wondered...I ask her where she was thinking she might go...she says she was thinking of going to her Mom and Dads home, in Larchmont...I tell her that would be a long drive...she again puts her hands over her ears and says not to say that, she can't hear about a long drive...I take her hand and tell her I was just kidding, we are not even thinking about driving to Larchmont today...she seems relieved and just wants to get in the van(the drive to see her Mom and Dad would be way further than Larchmont, I think...)
At one point in the store Ruth looks up at me and says that since she knows I am going to talk to Cindy, I can tell her that she and Jack(not her ex) are no longer an item. She says he was just driving her crazy and that she is done with him...good deal and good riddance you bum....
We get the groceries put away...she wants to go out and smoke a cig...I tell her to just smoke one inside( I am so hot) but she says she can't...she is not smoking inside...it is so brutally hot outside and pretty messy...the mess makes her crazy... I am going to take this up with Corinthians...if they want these little peeps to not smoke in their rooms, they should provide them a decent place to smoke...I mean it...
Ruth is pleasant and very thankful for all I do...we need to do better for her soooo get ready kiddos, you are about to get involved....
good night Ms Ruth
Today's fun adventure was a trip to Kroger...her all time favorite store. I am sure that she will be welcomed to Heaven through the sliding door of a Kroger store. If they had any idea what a loyal customer she has been , they should give her a free years supply of groceries. She really thinks they all know who she is and are just waiting for her to come in. She trips up to every employee, tilts her head ,grins from ear to ear while touching their name tag(which is usually located right over their boobie...I cringe each time) and then makes some goofy comment ,using their first name and continues to stand and grin until they make some gesture. It doesn't take much, just a little comment from them and she trips off completely sure that she has made their day...thank you to all the Kroger employees who make Ruth's life so complete. I am sad to say that I think they do a much better job than we do sometimes...of course, like I tell CC all the time, she is not their mother...
When I arrived at Corinthians to pick Ruth up today, sharply at the 1 P M time that she had verified 3 times this morning, she was staring out the front window. I went inside and Carla told her that I was there. She looked over and said they were looking at the front of my car and she just didn't know if she could get in it.."Why does it look like that? What is wrong with it? The front just goes down...'' I try to explain that it is made that way to be more aerodynamically correct(what the heck is wrong with me)...she just looks at me like I am some kind of nut and says she just doesn't think she can ride in it...I drive a silly Nissan Quest Van, not some kind of sports car...She is genuinely frightened so I ask her if she wants to ride in the back. She says she doesn't think she can. I ask her if she would like for me to go get what she needs and bring it back. She ducks her head a bit and says she needs to go with me, just tell her where to sit and she will do it. I softly croon silly conversation for the 5 minutes(10 hours) it takes to get to Kroger. I hate that it scares her so much.
She makes a bee line for the cigarette counter to be sure she gets the right cigs. She has changed her cigs. I ask her if she is buying them for herself or for someone else . She says she buys them for whoever needs them. I ask her if they are helping her pay for them. She flares up a bit and wants to know why I know about any of this. I tell her I am married to her son so I know everything. She mellows and tells me I am the luckiest person in the world to be married to him. I smile and say I know I am. She stops and looks at me and says,"You really do know that, don't you?" I say yes...She interrupts the girls who is checking out someone else by handing her her cigarette pack to be sure she gets the right one. The girl asks her to wait a minute...Ruth looks befuddled...The girls now addresses her and starts to get her cigs. Ruth goes into a long explanation about wanting the carton of cigs now and she will pay her when she gets all her groceries(thats my translation as her rambling words confused the girl)...the cashier looks perplexed...I cautiously step forword and tell Ruth that she cannot have the cigs until she pays for them...I brace for impact as Ruth gets pretty feisty with me when I intervene ...She looks sharply at me and asks how I know that...I lightly point out the lock on the cabinet and say something foolish like they keep them locked up to keep her from stealing them...oh hahaha...She asks the cashier if that is true and after she gets the same hahaha answer from the cashier we trip off into the bliss of Kroger..
Ruth is very nervous today. She keeps saying she is so shaky and so anxious. She says over and over that she couldn't do this without me. She would show me an item on her list and I would say it was on a certain aisle and that we were going to that aisle. She would say for me to lead the way. We would get to said aisle and she would ask me why we were there. I would tell her that this aisle is where the item she wants is. She would ask me how I know what she wants. I would say it was on her list. She would ask how I know that. I would say that she had just showed it to me. We did that with EVERY item. If I gave her a choice with an item(i.e. ham) she would put her hands over her ears and say she could not figure that out...I just needed to choose...We counted down every item like a NASA launch...she was so anxious to be done...
It was beer time...C C and I have taken a blood oath( O K , that is a lie but we did commit to it) to not buy her any more beer...I AM THE GOOD COP....I AM AFRAID TO TELL HER NO...BBUUUTTT...I muster up all my courage and say, " CC said she wants you to buy the same beer she bought for you before( that's right, I am a chicken, I laid it all on CC)....Ruth looked a little perplexed and then said O K....we got the non alcohol beer(maybe I should try that myself, I sure miss a good cold beer)...I won..I won....she was none the wiser...we are done with our little trip to Kroger..
On the way out she asks me where I am taking her. I tell her back to her apartment, did she have anywhere else she wanted to go...she says no ,she just wondered...I ask her where she was thinking she might go...she says she was thinking of going to her Mom and Dads home, in Larchmont...I tell her that would be a long drive...she again puts her hands over her ears and says not to say that, she can't hear about a long drive...I take her hand and tell her I was just kidding, we are not even thinking about driving to Larchmont today...she seems relieved and just wants to get in the van(the drive to see her Mom and Dad would be way further than Larchmont, I think...)
At one point in the store Ruth looks up at me and says that since she knows I am going to talk to Cindy, I can tell her that she and Jack(not her ex) are no longer an item. She says he was just driving her crazy and that she is done with him...good deal and good riddance you bum....
We get the groceries put away...she wants to go out and smoke a cig...I tell her to just smoke one inside( I am so hot) but she says she can't...she is not smoking inside...it is so brutally hot outside and pretty messy...the mess makes her crazy... I am going to take this up with Corinthians...if they want these little peeps to not smoke in their rooms, they should provide them a decent place to smoke...I mean it...
Ruth is pleasant and very thankful for all I do...we need to do better for her soooo get ready kiddos, you are about to get involved....
good night Ms Ruth
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Oh man, it just doesn't stop. She called me again. She's usually asleep by 9:00. She wants to know how can I get her cigs and beer? What time can I be there tomorrow?
I again tell her that I have to work and cannot be there. She says she knows. She says she'll walk to the store and get a cab back. I tell her she doesn't know where the store is and will get lost. She tells me I'm right.
My fear is that she will do something so stupid just to get her cigs and beer.
I told her that I made a decision today to quit smoking. Which I did. Cigs, as much as I love them, are just to expensive and I cannot afford them. I said, maybe we could quit together. NO. Then she is in a hurry to hang up. Which she did. She literally hung up on me. She is aggitated. I understand the aggitation. No cigs. I'll be that aggitated tomorrow and probably for the next couple of months without cigs.
I am so lost in this. I cannot make her happy, and even when I do visit-thinking it will make her happy, she doesn't remember that I visited.
The first time she called me today she asked me if she should call me Cindy or Claire. Uh, Cindy.
Just got off the phone with Teresa.
T. You are way more understanding than I am. Thanks for all you help and for trying to keep me going when I am feeling ready to give up.
Holding on.
I again tell her that I have to work and cannot be there. She says she knows. She says she'll walk to the store and get a cab back. I tell her she doesn't know where the store is and will get lost. She tells me I'm right.
My fear is that she will do something so stupid just to get her cigs and beer.
I told her that I made a decision today to quit smoking. Which I did. Cigs, as much as I love them, are just to expensive and I cannot afford them. I said, maybe we could quit together. NO. Then she is in a hurry to hang up. Which she did. She literally hung up on me. She is aggitated. I understand the aggitation. No cigs. I'll be that aggitated tomorrow and probably for the next couple of months without cigs.
I am so lost in this. I cannot make her happy, and even when I do visit-thinking it will make her happy, she doesn't remember that I visited.
The first time she called me today she asked me if she should call me Cindy or Claire. Uh, Cindy.
Just got off the phone with Teresa.
T. You are way more understanding than I am. Thanks for all you help and for trying to keep me going when I am feeling ready to give up.
Holding on.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sweet Claire
Needless to say, my standing in the Whelan family has never been anything that anyone would wish for . My first meeting with Ruth was after Rick had decided to tell her that Mike had called and told him that he was getting married. Mike had called Rick the week before we were going down to talk to Ruth and Jack to ask Rick to be sure Ruth would be home as Mike felt the best thing to do was to tell her in person. As with a lot of siblings, Rick promised Mike he would not tell and proceeded to spill the beans to Ruth. She hit the ceiling and said we would be wasting our time if we went to see her. We went any how...I believed after she met me, she would change her mind....NOT SO MUCH...she escalated into a mean tizzy as we tried to talk and for the first and last time in my life, I was disrespectful to an adult...I couldn't understand her stand...AT ALL...Oh to be 19 and so stupid again...Ruth said if we got married we were to never come back...we took the challenge...quickly afterwards I knew we had to repair the damage...Ruth is not so 'repairable'...
On our second visit to Ruth, Claire,Ruths twin sister, was there...She was delightful..she fussed over us and said how sweet I was...Ruth would not even respond to Claire's statements...she wasn't ready to make amends...As we left Claire hugged me and looked back at Ruth(to be sure Ruth heard her) and said, " I would be proud for you to be my daughter in law and call me Mom"...I will never forget the simple act of support that Claire offered me in that fragile time of my entry into the family. Thank you so much sweet Claire...
With Clarie's passing today,Ruth becomes the only surviving member of her family. We will not tell her about Claire. She has not talked with her in ages and actually thinks C C is Claire most of the time. I am sad for Ruth but she is in a place in her own mind where she thinks she is still living with her brothers and sisters a lot of the time.
Life continues to roll on....
On our second visit to Ruth, Claire,Ruths twin sister, was there...She was delightful..she fussed over us and said how sweet I was...Ruth would not even respond to Claire's statements...she wasn't ready to make amends...As we left Claire hugged me and looked back at Ruth(to be sure Ruth heard her) and said, " I would be proud for you to be my daughter in law and call me Mom"...I will never forget the simple act of support that Claire offered me in that fragile time of my entry into the family. Thank you so much sweet Claire...
With Clarie's passing today,Ruth becomes the only surviving member of her family. We will not tell her about Claire. She has not talked with her in ages and actually thinks C C is Claire most of the time. I am sad for Ruth but she is in a place in her own mind where she thinks she is still living with her brothers and sisters a lot of the time.
Life continues to roll on....
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Mom called twice this morning asking when I would be there again. There are things she needs from the grocery store. I remind her that it will be a week from Sun. I did not ask what she needs, I already know.
I called her tonight to make sure she is OK and she seems fine. Sober and hoping her friend Elouise comes to visit her. Not a word about Jack. My best guess is, no beer, no Jack. We will see.
Hoping she rests easy tonight.
I called her tonight to make sure she is OK and she seems fine. Sober and hoping her friend Elouise comes to visit her. Not a word about Jack. My best guess is, no beer, no Jack. We will see.
Hoping she rests easy tonight.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
C C Is a Lunatic
CC has cracked under the pressure...I know it may sound like she has cracked under the pressure of Ruth's beer guzzling ways so I will explain a little more about her last post....
CC has spent each of her visits with Ruth TRYING to make her understand her situation. She constantly tries the loving daughter Cindy approach but usually has to resort to the mean friend Cindy approach. Nothing she or Mike say seems to penetrate Ruth's brain deep enough to make any change. In less than 2 weeks Ruth has spent(her money and our money) more than $430 on beer and cigs...AND when I went over today there was not one beer in her fridge. When CC was over Sunday she left Ruth with 30 beers in the fridge and approx 25 pks of cigs(today she had 6 pks left). CC was very straightforward with Ruth and told her that she would NOT be back for 2 weeks so that had to last her that long. Ruth said..'O K.." Yesterday morning she called and said she needed to go to the store.."For stuff..." SOOOOOOO...once again she had gone through 30 beers in 2 days....oh what to do....
I talked to Ruth about 8 times between yesterday and today...she needed medicine for her tummy so I got her that, bread, milk, cheezits,and some activia yogurt. She was strangely pleasant today. She said she doesn't drink much and only shares a couple of her beers with Jack. I tried to help her understand about how concerned everyone is that she not be taken advantage of. She said Jack is a very nice man and would never take advantage of her...BALONEY!!!!... Our visit was upbeat most of the time ...it's a lot easier for me than for CC and Mike as I am the good cop...While she is literally driving us to drink with all the beer that is being bought, she is much more calm about being at Corinthians...She also seems to be in more of a fog sometimes but she seems eerily coherent ...It is just so darn confusing for us...
CC, the debit card thief(I am still laughing about that little trick play) made the exact right move by confiscating that card. I am watching the account to be sure Ruth doesn't write Jack a check. She didn't ask me for beer today so I feel strongly that she already had a plan in motion to obtain her beer.
All in all, we are actually in a better place with Ruth right now, we just have to stop the endless flow of beer and cigs somehow....
So you see, CC is not a lunatic(well spoken by her lunatic cohort)...she is simply at her wits end with driving 2 hours in a hot car to try to help Ruth find her safe, happy place AND Ruth not listening to a thing any of us say....
I AM WITH YOU CC...I PLEDGE TO NOT BUY HER ANY MORE BEER(you may have to steal the check books next though...)
CC has spent each of her visits with Ruth TRYING to make her understand her situation. She constantly tries the loving daughter Cindy approach but usually has to resort to the mean friend Cindy approach. Nothing she or Mike say seems to penetrate Ruth's brain deep enough to make any change. In less than 2 weeks Ruth has spent(her money and our money) more than $430 on beer and cigs...AND when I went over today there was not one beer in her fridge. When CC was over Sunday she left Ruth with 30 beers in the fridge and approx 25 pks of cigs(today she had 6 pks left). CC was very straightforward with Ruth and told her that she would NOT be back for 2 weeks so that had to last her that long. Ruth said..'O K.." Yesterday morning she called and said she needed to go to the store.."For stuff..." SOOOOOOO...once again she had gone through 30 beers in 2 days....oh what to do....
I talked to Ruth about 8 times between yesterday and today...she needed medicine for her tummy so I got her that, bread, milk, cheezits,and some activia yogurt. She was strangely pleasant today. She said she doesn't drink much and only shares a couple of her beers with Jack. I tried to help her understand about how concerned everyone is that she not be taken advantage of. She said Jack is a very nice man and would never take advantage of her...BALONEY!!!!... Our visit was upbeat most of the time ...it's a lot easier for me than for CC and Mike as I am the good cop...While she is literally driving us to drink with all the beer that is being bought, she is much more calm about being at Corinthians...She also seems to be in more of a fog sometimes but she seems eerily coherent ...It is just so darn confusing for us...
CC, the debit card thief(I am still laughing about that little trick play) made the exact right move by confiscating that card. I am watching the account to be sure Ruth doesn't write Jack a check. She didn't ask me for beer today so I feel strongly that she already had a plan in motion to obtain her beer.
All in all, we are actually in a better place with Ruth right now, we just have to stop the endless flow of beer and cigs somehow....
So you see, CC is not a lunatic(well spoken by her lunatic cohort)...she is simply at her wits end with driving 2 hours in a hot car to try to help Ruth find her safe, happy place AND Ruth not listening to a thing any of us say....
I AM WITH YOU CC...I PLEDGE TO NOT BUY HER ANY MORE BEER(you may have to steal the check books next though...)
This has to stop NOW. No more beer, only the Busch non-alcohol. Cigs, only 1 pack a day. I confiscated her bank card Sunday so she could not give it to her neighbor to use to buy them beer and cigs. I felt guilty about doing that but know that I did the right thing.
We know that she is supplying her next door idiot; Jack, with beer and cigs. I am totally amazed that she seems to have such a "crush" on this guy. He is one the last people on earth I would think she would connect with. He's just icky. Dirty, gross, feet so nasty; scaley, dirty OMG. Just nasty. She seems to have a crush on him. I cannot begin to imagine what it is she sees in him. There is something just so not right in this relationship. I know that she sees him as a good friend as we talked about him Sun. when I was there. She seems to think that they have been good friends for a long time. When I reminded her that she has only been there a couple of months, she tells me she has been there for at least 6 months and has known Jack for a long time. I think she thinks of him as her boyfriend. I don't know.
What I do know is that Mike and Teresa would agree, we need to quit bringing her beer. Her mind is F'd up enough. The beer only adds to her confusion.
We have been trying so hard to make her comfortable and let her live her life her way. Her way no longer works. Not for her, and certainly not for us. She needs to be where she is and learn that her options are limited. NO MORE BEER. Teresa, we need to be together on this and I have no doubt that we will be. The only beer I will get for her is the no alchol beer.
We have to learn from our mistakes. I think I have. As difficult as it is to parent your parent, it's time for us to teach her that she cannot dictate to us what she wants. I know that we will continue to care for Mom. I think at this point we need to only take care of her needs and beer is not a necessity.
I promise to not buy her any more beer. It is in her best interest. I will get her the no alcohol beer but not the Bud she so loves.
I do not know how she will take it when I visit and she asks me to buy beer and I bring her the no alcohol beer. And I don't care. I just do not care. She needs to get sober. Will she fight us, I'm sure she will. Will she hate me, I'm sure she will. I do not care, this has to stop.
We know that she is supplying her next door idiot; Jack, with beer and cigs. I am totally amazed that she seems to have such a "crush" on this guy. He is one the last people on earth I would think she would connect with. He's just icky. Dirty, gross, feet so nasty; scaley, dirty OMG. Just nasty. She seems to have a crush on him. I cannot begin to imagine what it is she sees in him. There is something just so not right in this relationship. I know that she sees him as a good friend as we talked about him Sun. when I was there. She seems to think that they have been good friends for a long time. When I reminded her that she has only been there a couple of months, she tells me she has been there for at least 6 months and has known Jack for a long time. I think she thinks of him as her boyfriend. I don't know.
What I do know is that Mike and Teresa would agree, we need to quit bringing her beer. Her mind is F'd up enough. The beer only adds to her confusion.
We have been trying so hard to make her comfortable and let her live her life her way. Her way no longer works. Not for her, and certainly not for us. She needs to be where she is and learn that her options are limited. NO MORE BEER. Teresa, we need to be together on this and I have no doubt that we will be. The only beer I will get for her is the no alchol beer.
We have to learn from our mistakes. I think I have. As difficult as it is to parent your parent, it's time for us to teach her that she cannot dictate to us what she wants. I know that we will continue to care for Mom. I think at this point we need to only take care of her needs and beer is not a necessity.
I promise to not buy her any more beer. It is in her best interest. I will get her the no alcohol beer but not the Bud she so loves.
I do not know how she will take it when I visit and she asks me to buy beer and I bring her the no alcohol beer. And I don't care. I just do not care. She needs to get sober. Will she fight us, I'm sure she will. Will she hate me, I'm sure she will. I do not care, this has to stop.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
HMMMMM
We live in a constant world of trying to figure out...what to do...what to do....what to do....
Mike was on vacation last week so he took over the care of Ruth...what a fun vacation ....She ran him ragged..."we need beer"..."we need more beer"..."bring us beer"...After 3 cases(that's 24 each case) of beer in 4 days he finally had had enough and told her he wasn't bringing any more when she called on Saturday...no worries, she called again on Sunday like he had never said a word about bringing no more. He didn't bite...he didn't take it. Somehow, she got her beer so she stopped calling.
One of the sad things about the situation is that he thought he had made her understand her situation(silly boy) on one of his many beer and cigarette runs last week. She told him she wanted him to handle all her finances and she would do whatever he told her. She just didn't want the girls involved( not quite sure who that means..could be Cindy..could be Claire..could be Cindy, Cindy...could be Teresa...could be Terry...heck, it could even be Cindy, Linda , and the Tall Girl) Any how, Mike thought he had made progress UNTIL she called him less than 24 hours after his last delivery of 24 beers and said she needed more. He told her that he had just explained to her that she couldn't keep doing this and it was all down hill from there..."You have no right telling me what I can do, it is none of your business.I can do whatever I want. I have plenty of money..etc" Oh well , welcome to our world my love....
Monday morning Mike called Ruth to let her know that I was looking at a house with Heather and then I would come and take her to the store. She said that was so sweet but that she had handled it and that her daughter would be off tomorrow and was coming up....HUH?!?!?!...C C's coming up on Tuesday..I don't think so...Called C C...she's not coming up , she is working, she's already explained that to Ruth..probably about 10 times if I was guessing...
Monday night...she neeeeeeedddddsssss beer.
At 4 on Tuesday I finally get my call...."Hi honey, it's Ruth. We've taken up a collection and need someone to pick us up some beer. Could you possibly help us out?"....
"I will be over in a bit but don't you need to go to the grocery store..."
"Oh no, I went on that bus...that will never happen again...it was awful...we just need beer"...
"O K, what do you want me to get and do you need anything else?" ...
"You are so sweet...a 12 pk of Bud..."
So, once again, I am off to do the very thing that we have put our foot down and said we would NOT do anymore...off for more beer( I'll at least pick up her forgotten eyedrops and tic tacs so that I can say it wasn't just for beer)
I talk to Carla to find out if she knows if Ruth bought beer this morning...she says that she did buy a case of beer and a carton of cigarettes....YIKES...
She is sooo happy to see me( and her beer)..she can't believe I brought her eyedrops....there is not one beer in her fridge.
She is more pleasant than normal today...she doesn't seem tipsy...she wants to go down to eat...the food is lousy but the dessert is good...she is very polite to the server...she is very sweet to me...she is loopier than ever but she is pretty calm .
Jack ( who I think is one of the main beer and cig culprits) asks her if I am her daughter...she actually turns around and says,"No this is my daughter in law, she is married to my son Michael." ...I look around for Christ as I am sure it must be time for the Second Coming ...She has NEVER said I was her daughter in law....On one hand she seems to be more coherent and on 10 other hands she seems more confused...honestly, we just can't keep up...
Here's what I know...she thinks she is some young woman who is entertaining the young men at the apartment...she said they are all about 30( the men who live at the retirement home)...I just nod...She can not be controlled as she believes she is totally well and has plenty of money. She thinks everyone there just' loves ' her. I am so sad as I see how the people really look at her when she walks by. While she thinks she is some kind of social director, others see her as the town drunk. I simply do not know what to do. Today, she told me that she does not consider beer to be alcohol and that it doesn't affect her(tell that to the paramedics who had to pick her drunk fanny up off the floor)...She says she can take or leave it.....
I just want her to be happy.
Lindsey called today as I was on my way for another beer run(can anyone explain how it happened that the Mormon Mom is buying case after case of beer and carton after carton of cigarettes).She laughed and asked if I was the good parent who was buying beer for the kids...that is exactly how I feel, like the good(lousy) parent who is supplying my kids with alcohol....
We are probably not even to the bad days yet....as C C says.."Jesus Take The Wheel"...cause these mere mortals sure can't figure out what to do....
Mike was on vacation last week so he took over the care of Ruth...what a fun vacation ....She ran him ragged..."we need beer"..."we need more beer"..."bring us beer"...After 3 cases(that's 24 each case) of beer in 4 days he finally had had enough and told her he wasn't bringing any more when she called on Saturday...no worries, she called again on Sunday like he had never said a word about bringing no more. He didn't bite...he didn't take it. Somehow, she got her beer so she stopped calling.
One of the sad things about the situation is that he thought he had made her understand her situation(silly boy) on one of his many beer and cigarette runs last week. She told him she wanted him to handle all her finances and she would do whatever he told her. She just didn't want the girls involved( not quite sure who that means..could be Cindy..could be Claire..could be Cindy, Cindy...could be Teresa...could be Terry...heck, it could even be Cindy, Linda , and the Tall Girl) Any how, Mike thought he had made progress UNTIL she called him less than 24 hours after his last delivery of 24 beers and said she needed more. He told her that he had just explained to her that she couldn't keep doing this and it was all down hill from there..."You have no right telling me what I can do, it is none of your business.I can do whatever I want. I have plenty of money..etc" Oh well , welcome to our world my love....
Monday morning Mike called Ruth to let her know that I was looking at a house with Heather and then I would come and take her to the store. She said that was so sweet but that she had handled it and that her daughter would be off tomorrow and was coming up....HUH?!?!?!...C C's coming up on Tuesday..I don't think so...Called C C...she's not coming up , she is working, she's already explained that to Ruth..probably about 10 times if I was guessing...
Monday night...she neeeeeeedddddsssss beer.
At 4 on Tuesday I finally get my call...."Hi honey, it's Ruth. We've taken up a collection and need someone to pick us up some beer. Could you possibly help us out?"....
"I will be over in a bit but don't you need to go to the grocery store..."
"Oh no, I went on that bus...that will never happen again...it was awful...we just need beer"...
"O K, what do you want me to get and do you need anything else?" ...
"You are so sweet...a 12 pk of Bud..."
So, once again, I am off to do the very thing that we have put our foot down and said we would NOT do anymore...off for more beer( I'll at least pick up her forgotten eyedrops and tic tacs so that I can say it wasn't just for beer)
I talk to Carla to find out if she knows if Ruth bought beer this morning...she says that she did buy a case of beer and a carton of cigarettes....YIKES...
She is sooo happy to see me( and her beer)..she can't believe I brought her eyedrops....there is not one beer in her fridge.
She is more pleasant than normal today...she doesn't seem tipsy...she wants to go down to eat...the food is lousy but the dessert is good...she is very polite to the server...she is very sweet to me...she is loopier than ever but she is pretty calm .
Jack ( who I think is one of the main beer and cig culprits) asks her if I am her daughter...she actually turns around and says,"No this is my daughter in law, she is married to my son Michael." ...I look around for Christ as I am sure it must be time for the Second Coming ...She has NEVER said I was her daughter in law....On one hand she seems to be more coherent and on 10 other hands she seems more confused...honestly, we just can't keep up...
Here's what I know...she thinks she is some young woman who is entertaining the young men at the apartment...she said they are all about 30( the men who live at the retirement home)...I just nod...She can not be controlled as she believes she is totally well and has plenty of money. She thinks everyone there just' loves ' her. I am so sad as I see how the people really look at her when she walks by. While she thinks she is some kind of social director, others see her as the town drunk. I simply do not know what to do. Today, she told me that she does not consider beer to be alcohol and that it doesn't affect her(tell that to the paramedics who had to pick her drunk fanny up off the floor)...She says she can take or leave it.....
I just want her to be happy.
Lindsey called today as I was on my way for another beer run(can anyone explain how it happened that the Mormon Mom is buying case after case of beer and carton after carton of cigarettes).She laughed and asked if I was the good parent who was buying beer for the kids...that is exactly how I feel, like the good(lousy) parent who is supplying my kids with alcohol....
We are probably not even to the bad days yet....as C C says.."Jesus Take The Wheel"...cause these mere mortals sure can't figure out what to do....
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Oh my God. Mom is so, so gone.
Why is it taking us so long to realize this simple fact. I think we finally got it. I don't know. This is so difficult as we just want what is best for her.
We want her to be comfortable and happy. Sadly, we don't know how to make that happen.
Mom called me today and left a message that she needed me to bring her beer tomorrow. I knew that Mike had visited her yesterday and had taken her the things she needed including beer, so I called Teresa to get confirmation. She told me that Mike had bought a case of beer for her and told her that she needs to make it last at least a week. Apparently, she has drunk A CASE of beer in two days. She drank a case of beer in two days? I told Teresa that there was no way. She would not be able to do that. Teresa said that in a recent visit, Mom drank 5.5 beers in a 2 hour visit.
I will not get her anymore beer.
I am so close to not even visiting as it's expensive and she doesn't even know that I was there.
But, I can't leave Teresa holding the bag. And I won't. I will continue to visit Mom as difficult as it is.
Teresa, I appreciate you more than you know.
And I still can't believe you are being so good to Mom.
Why is it taking us so long to realize this simple fact. I think we finally got it. I don't know. This is so difficult as we just want what is best for her.
We want her to be comfortable and happy. Sadly, we don't know how to make that happen.
Mom called me today and left a message that she needed me to bring her beer tomorrow. I knew that Mike had visited her yesterday and had taken her the things she needed including beer, so I called Teresa to get confirmation. She told me that Mike had bought a case of beer for her and told her that she needs to make it last at least a week. Apparently, she has drunk A CASE of beer in two days. She drank a case of beer in two days? I told Teresa that there was no way. She would not be able to do that. Teresa said that in a recent visit, Mom drank 5.5 beers in a 2 hour visit.
I will not get her anymore beer.
I am so close to not even visiting as it's expensive and she doesn't even know that I was there.
But, I can't leave Teresa holding the bag. And I won't. I will continue to visit Mom as difficult as it is.
Teresa, I appreciate you more than you know.
And I still can't believe you are being so good to Mom.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Not a good day. I have been fighting with myself for months about whether or not to tell Mom that she has dementia. I so want to reason with her and help her understand why she is feeling the way she feels. She is so frustrated and confused every time I talk with her. I never know who she thinks she is talking to, and neither does she. I decided that today would be the day that I will try to explain to her why she is feeling the way she does.
I began by asking what she spent over $100.00 on at Kroger the other day. She said she didn't remember what she bought, cigs. groceries. I said "Mom, there are no groceries in your fridge. A carton of cigs is $60.00. Did you buy something for someone else?" She doesn't remember but she does know that it's none of my business. I asked about the three beers in her fridge: they were 16 oz beers, not the usual 12 oz beer she normally buys. She gave me some story about how they were easier to bring home. Nope. I know my mother. When she shops and buys beer it is always the 12 pack of 12oz Bud.
She asked me how I knew about her purchase and I told her Teresa had called and asked me if I knew what she bought. She was way pissed off that Teresa knew anything about her finances. I told her that Mike gets the info online and she thinks it's for Mike's eyes only. And he is the only one who has access to her checking account. OK.
In a nutshell, I told her that I needed to talk to her and that this would be a difficult and uncomfortable conversation. She asked; "What." I said "Mom, the Dr. told you that you don't have Alzheimer's. But, he told us that what you do have is dementia." OMG. She went off. "Who the hell do you think you are." "Mom, I am your daughter and I love you and just want what is best for you." At this point, she thinks I'm the nut. She just doesn't get it and obviously, I don't have a clue.
She then decided to turn on the TV. She wouldn't look at me. She wouldn't talk with me.
After about 20 minutes of her refusal to talk with me, I said, " Well, I guess you don't want to talk to me so I'll just go home." She said yes. As I was walking out the door she was mumbling something about me not having a key.
I'm going to call her in a minute to see how she's doing. Who will I be?
Apparently, she remembered that it was me who pissed her off. She told me her day was fine but she had to go as there were things she needed to get done. OK. That is her way of not dealing with a situation.
Usually, after a Sunday visit she calls to ask me to visit her. Not today.
I have no idea. I am so lost with this situation.
I began by asking what she spent over $100.00 on at Kroger the other day. She said she didn't remember what she bought, cigs. groceries. I said "Mom, there are no groceries in your fridge. A carton of cigs is $60.00. Did you buy something for someone else?" She doesn't remember but she does know that it's none of my business. I asked about the three beers in her fridge: they were 16 oz beers, not the usual 12 oz beer she normally buys. She gave me some story about how they were easier to bring home. Nope. I know my mother. When she shops and buys beer it is always the 12 pack of 12oz Bud.
She asked me how I knew about her purchase and I told her Teresa had called and asked me if I knew what she bought. She was way pissed off that Teresa knew anything about her finances. I told her that Mike gets the info online and she thinks it's for Mike's eyes only. And he is the only one who has access to her checking account. OK.
In a nutshell, I told her that I needed to talk to her and that this would be a difficult and uncomfortable conversation. She asked; "What." I said "Mom, the Dr. told you that you don't have Alzheimer's. But, he told us that what you do have is dementia." OMG. She went off. "Who the hell do you think you are." "Mom, I am your daughter and I love you and just want what is best for you." At this point, she thinks I'm the nut. She just doesn't get it and obviously, I don't have a clue.
She then decided to turn on the TV. She wouldn't look at me. She wouldn't talk with me.
After about 20 minutes of her refusal to talk with me, I said, " Well, I guess you don't want to talk to me so I'll just go home." She said yes. As I was walking out the door she was mumbling something about me not having a key.
I'm going to call her in a minute to see how she's doing. Who will I be?
Apparently, she remembered that it was me who pissed her off. She told me her day was fine but she had to go as there were things she needed to get done. OK. That is her way of not dealing with a situation.
Usually, after a Sunday visit she calls to ask me to visit her. Not today.
I have no idea. I am so lost with this situation.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Alright, enough is enough. No more beer for Mom. Ambulance, drunk on the floor when they got there, just put her to bed. We have come to realize that she can no longer have beer, (good luck with this Cindy, CC or Claire.) Next Sunday will be a come to Jesus meeting and she is gonna be pissed. She will expect me to go to Kroger and get her whatever she wants. Beer will top the list as always.
I will look for that beer substitute that has almost no alchohol and tell her that it has the same taste and will quench her thirst for the beer. Hits the back of her throat just like she likes. ( I know.) Oh, she will be so angry with me, or whoever she thinks I am but I no longer care as she has no clue what is in her best interest. She cannot have any more beer. Period.
I am thinking I need to tell her what is wrong with her, but I don't think it would do any good. She just doesn't get it.
We're screwed.
Thank you Teresa for going back once again to calm her.
I will look for that beer substitute that has almost no alchohol and tell her that it has the same taste and will quench her thirst for the beer. Hits the back of her throat just like she likes. ( I know.) Oh, she will be so angry with me, or whoever she thinks I am but I no longer care as she has no clue what is in her best interest. She cannot have any more beer. Period.
I am thinking I need to tell her what is wrong with her, but I don't think it would do any good. She just doesn't get it.
We're screwed.
Thank you Teresa for going back once again to calm her.
Just keeps gettin better
Todays excitement involved a fall(no injuries at all), calls for help, paramedics, yelling at the lovely female staff members to' get the hell out of here", and sexual advancements to the maintenance man and the paramedics.....
Can we say drunk on your butt...yep...that was the medical diagnosis...so much fun.......
We have got to get Ruth to stop drinking so much...
As always, the staff of Corinthians was wonderful...thanks guys...
I left her passed out on the bed...Sleep tight Ruth
Can we say drunk on your butt...yep...that was the medical diagnosis...so much fun.......
We have got to get Ruth to stop drinking so much...
As always, the staff of Corinthians was wonderful...thanks guys...
I left her passed out on the bed...Sleep tight Ruth
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Another Day...
Mike was once again on duty with Ruth today. He gets everything handled so quickly and gets back home. I end up there for hours. I just didn't feel like spending the whole day over there so he went to rescue her from the pits of no cigarette and beer hell. Needless to say, this is getting a bit out of hand. She went through a carton of cigarettes in less than 6 days and is drinking more than a case of beer every 4 or 5 days. I am all for her being happy and comfortable but we are spending more on her beer and cigs than we spend on our groceries for the week . I told Mike today that we are done..done..done..done. It is real simple, either she is going to have to slow down or there is going to have to be some help from everyone else. I suggested that we label each pack of cigs with a day of the week and TRYYYYY to make her understand that she can only smoke that days pack(good luck)...I say if she is out of beer, she is out of beer BUT that is ALLLL she drinks other than 2 cups of coffee in the morning.She refuses to drink any water, tea, juice, etc. Mike tried to tell her today that she was going through her beer and cigs pretty fast...She said she has beer with all her friends and that someone stole her cigs...neither thing is true...what to do...what to do...
On the positive side...she is eating in the cafeteria more and she says she has lots of friends and is so busy all the time. I say..hooray!!!! She called at 7:30 this morning and said she was desperate to get out of there. It was actually all about the lack of cigs. When Mike got there, she had gotten a ride from one of her friends, who has a car ,to the convenience store .She bought a cheaper brand of cigs and says she will start smoking them now....good deal...
I will go over tomorrow as she forgot to get her Tide when she was at the store with
Mike....soooo much fun for Mikey....
On the positive side...she is eating in the cafeteria more and she says she has lots of friends and is so busy all the time. I say..hooray!!!! She called at 7:30 this morning and said she was desperate to get out of there. It was actually all about the lack of cigs. When Mike got there, she had gotten a ride from one of her friends, who has a car ,to the convenience store .She bought a cheaper brand of cigs and says she will start smoking them now....good deal...
I will go over tomorrow as she forgot to get her Tide when she was at the store with
Mike....soooo much fun for Mikey....
Thursday, June 24, 2010
much ado about Ruth
Our optimistic thoughts about Ruth settling in and getting comfortable came to a screeching halt yesterday....she is NOT settling in and NOT getting comfortable...she HATES that place...stilllllllll.....what to do...what to do
I have laid low this week. Mike has visited 3 times to take her needed things and visit for a few minutes(that's about all he can take with her....he has a bit of a problem when she calls him an idiot for asking her a question about something she said...she is not my mother so I am a bit more thick skinned) I went over twice to deliver beer and visit...Cindy spent Sunday with her.... YETTTT...'she never has anyone who visits and her family has dumped her there and left her'....we are continuing to fight a losing battle...
Mike called her on Tuesday to check on her and she said she was so anxious and couldn't sleep.He talked softly to her and told her to try to calm down and he would be over Saturday.She was so glad as she had $60 she needed to give him for cigarettes...Mike asked me if she was out of her medication for anxiety...I told him she should be...
She called on Wednesday and needed to talk to Mike. I said I wasn't home and asked what she needed(that sounds way too harsh...I ALWAYS speak to her in a low crooning voice and always use the word Honey at the beginning of every question or statement...Ruth, who is the loudest person I know, has a real aversion to loud voices)..She said she had to get out of there and she wanted to come and stay with us...I told her I was on my way ...I picked up a new script for her, called Mike to let him know my plans had been changed and headed over...
Ruth was beat. She has not been sleeping and she was very anxious. Her tummy was bothering her again.She grabbed me when I got there and hung on for dear life.
I spent over 4 hours trying to lull her back in to a more blissful state. It was 4 hours of constipation followed by diarrhea coupled with hating the place, being left alone by her family, not knowing what to do, buying a new car, sex talk about she and Jack,discussions of the bad choices she thinks my kids made('Teresa, I don't want to say this wrong but I am just going to be blunt...why do you think your kids make so many bad choices? Do you think maybe you and Mike didn't teach them how to make good choices? Maybe you gave them too much freedom? etc etc")...ouch...I stay calm and let her rant on , at least we are not talking about bodily functions or her sex life...what do you think kiddos...did we give you too much freedom...HAHAHAHAHAHA...I patiently tell her my 8 children have made many more good choices than bad ...I also put my neck right back on the old chopping block and add that she just wants to talk about the bad choices she thinks anyone has made. I tell her I choose to look at the bad choices as teaching moments and focus on the good choices..She says I am so smart and wise....that's right..I am smart and wise...not that 'ignorant country girl' that her 19 yr old son married...I DONT CARE THAT SHE IS NOT IN HER RIGHT MIND>>>SHE SAID IT...
From 7 until I left a little after 9 ,she drank 6 beers and smoked 5 cigarettes AND took one of her pills...I bet she slept last night...I came home and laid outside in the kiddie pool Mike had set up for Haylee and Grace and breathed fresh air for a bit...she is killing me( me thinks that is her plan)..Needless to say, she was totally calm when I left( I know she was plastered CC BUT she was still calm)..As always, she loves and appreciates me more than she can ever say as I do so much for"us"(WHO WHO WHO IS THE OTHER IN US AND WE)...I always say I know and I am glad...
I do know that I can not wait as long between visits.
I have laid low this week. Mike has visited 3 times to take her needed things and visit for a few minutes(that's about all he can take with her....he has a bit of a problem when she calls him an idiot for asking her a question about something she said...she is not my mother so I am a bit more thick skinned) I went over twice to deliver beer and visit...Cindy spent Sunday with her.... YETTTT...'she never has anyone who visits and her family has dumped her there and left her'....we are continuing to fight a losing battle...
Mike called her on Tuesday to check on her and she said she was so anxious and couldn't sleep.He talked softly to her and told her to try to calm down and he would be over Saturday.She was so glad as she had $60 she needed to give him for cigarettes...Mike asked me if she was out of her medication for anxiety...I told him she should be...
She called on Wednesday and needed to talk to Mike. I said I wasn't home and asked what she needed(that sounds way too harsh...I ALWAYS speak to her in a low crooning voice and always use the word Honey at the beginning of every question or statement...Ruth, who is the loudest person I know, has a real aversion to loud voices)..She said she had to get out of there and she wanted to come and stay with us...I told her I was on my way ...I picked up a new script for her, called Mike to let him know my plans had been changed and headed over...
Ruth was beat. She has not been sleeping and she was very anxious. Her tummy was bothering her again.She grabbed me when I got there and hung on for dear life.
I spent over 4 hours trying to lull her back in to a more blissful state. It was 4 hours of constipation followed by diarrhea coupled with hating the place, being left alone by her family, not knowing what to do, buying a new car, sex talk about she and Jack,discussions of the bad choices she thinks my kids made('Teresa, I don't want to say this wrong but I am just going to be blunt...why do you think your kids make so many bad choices? Do you think maybe you and Mike didn't teach them how to make good choices? Maybe you gave them too much freedom? etc etc")...ouch...I stay calm and let her rant on , at least we are not talking about bodily functions or her sex life...what do you think kiddos...did we give you too much freedom...HAHAHAHAHAHA...I patiently tell her my 8 children have made many more good choices than bad ...I also put my neck right back on the old chopping block and add that she just wants to talk about the bad choices she thinks anyone has made. I tell her I choose to look at the bad choices as teaching moments and focus on the good choices..She says I am so smart and wise....that's right..I am smart and wise...not that 'ignorant country girl' that her 19 yr old son married...I DONT CARE THAT SHE IS NOT IN HER RIGHT MIND>>>SHE SAID IT...
From 7 until I left a little after 9 ,she drank 6 beers and smoked 5 cigarettes AND took one of her pills...I bet she slept last night...I came home and laid outside in the kiddie pool Mike had set up for Haylee and Grace and breathed fresh air for a bit...she is killing me( me thinks that is her plan)..Needless to say, she was totally calm when I left( I know she was plastered CC BUT she was still calm)..As always, she loves and appreciates me more than she can ever say as I do so much for"us"(WHO WHO WHO IS THE OTHER IN US AND WE)...I always say I know and I am glad...
I do know that I can not wait as long between visits.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
My visit with Mom today was pretty typical.
As I walk through the front door, she is walking toward me from the hallway that leads from the dining room to the lobby. As is usual when she sees me initially, she isn't really sure it's me until I say Hi Mom and give her a hug. She hugs me back and tells me how happy she is to see me and how much she misses me. She begins to tell me how tired she is. This has been the normal for months. She's just so tired. She can't understand why she is so tired.
We get to her apt. and sit down and she asks me if she can get me anything. I say no thanks Mom, I'm good. She asks "Can I get you a beer." "Uh, no thanks Mom, it's 11:00 in the morning and I just had a cup of coffee." She asks if I'd like another cup; she can fix me one, again, no thank you Mom. She seems to want to do something for me so next visit, I think I'll ask for a glass of ice water. Hopefully that will satisfy her apparent need to do something for me.
She tells me that the ashtray on the table next to me is the one we have to use. I remind her that I don't smoke in her apt. as it is against the rules and when I want to smoke, I'll go outside.
She affirms that I'm not allowed to smoke in the apt. but that she does anyway. I'm not going to argue that she shouldn't.
After about 20 minutes of endlesss chatter: about what, I don't know. My brain just goes numb after the first 10 minutes as I know how this goes. Then she wants to know what I want to do.
I have learned not to suggest the game room. As much as she enjoyed playing scrabble with me in the last few years, she has no interest. She talks about how they play Bingo and how stupid it is. I remind her that the few times I have played Bingo I had fun. OK. Let's go smoke. I can't go wrong there.
I went to Kroger and got her the necessary TP, coffee mate, milk, peanutbutter and beer. Before I went, I told her that she was going to have to start planning for shopping and take the bus. She goes off about how they go other places that she doesn't want to go. I am so wanting to get her what she needs and go home that I don't argue with her. There is just no reasoning with her as she just doesn't get it. I will try, in these next two weeks, to remind her that I can't be there and she needs to learn to take the bus or be left with no cigs. or beer. She has to learn to get some independence here. I am resigned to the fact that if she won't do it for herself, she will just have to do without.
When I was telling her goodbye, I let her know that I was not going to be able to visit her next Sunday as I will be working 6 days this week. She seemed OK with that. I know she is not OK
with it, but it is what it is. But, the fact is I will not be going next Sunday.
I'm finally home. Soaking in sweat from an hour long drive with no AC in 100 degree heat.
45 minutes after I get home, she calls and asks me to come back as she is so lonely. I remind her that I just left and she tells me she understands and it's OK. I know now that she thought the lady who visited was the other Cindy. Then, just a few minutes later, she calls me back wanting my sisters phone number. I ask her which sister and she says the one who visited her today. I tell her that I am the one who visited her today and in her confused state, she tells me never mind. I am screeeewed no matter what.
This so sucks.
The only peace I have is in knowing that she is in a great place and they take good care of her.
I know that there is nothing we can do to make her happy. I'm finally getting it and I hate it. In all honesty, I hope God will take her home, and let her rest in peace.
This is no way for anyone to live.
I love you Mom.
Cindy
As I walk through the front door, she is walking toward me from the hallway that leads from the dining room to the lobby. As is usual when she sees me initially, she isn't really sure it's me until I say Hi Mom and give her a hug. She hugs me back and tells me how happy she is to see me and how much she misses me. She begins to tell me how tired she is. This has been the normal for months. She's just so tired. She can't understand why she is so tired.
We get to her apt. and sit down and she asks me if she can get me anything. I say no thanks Mom, I'm good. She asks "Can I get you a beer." "Uh, no thanks Mom, it's 11:00 in the morning and I just had a cup of coffee." She asks if I'd like another cup; she can fix me one, again, no thank you Mom. She seems to want to do something for me so next visit, I think I'll ask for a glass of ice water. Hopefully that will satisfy her apparent need to do something for me.
She tells me that the ashtray on the table next to me is the one we have to use. I remind her that I don't smoke in her apt. as it is against the rules and when I want to smoke, I'll go outside.
She affirms that I'm not allowed to smoke in the apt. but that she does anyway. I'm not going to argue that she shouldn't.
After about 20 minutes of endlesss chatter: about what, I don't know. My brain just goes numb after the first 10 minutes as I know how this goes. Then she wants to know what I want to do.
I have learned not to suggest the game room. As much as she enjoyed playing scrabble with me in the last few years, she has no interest. She talks about how they play Bingo and how stupid it is. I remind her that the few times I have played Bingo I had fun. OK. Let's go smoke. I can't go wrong there.
I went to Kroger and got her the necessary TP, coffee mate, milk, peanutbutter and beer. Before I went, I told her that she was going to have to start planning for shopping and take the bus. She goes off about how they go other places that she doesn't want to go. I am so wanting to get her what she needs and go home that I don't argue with her. There is just no reasoning with her as she just doesn't get it. I will try, in these next two weeks, to remind her that I can't be there and she needs to learn to take the bus or be left with no cigs. or beer. She has to learn to get some independence here. I am resigned to the fact that if she won't do it for herself, she will just have to do without.
When I was telling her goodbye, I let her know that I was not going to be able to visit her next Sunday as I will be working 6 days this week. She seemed OK with that. I know she is not OK
with it, but it is what it is. But, the fact is I will not be going next Sunday.
I'm finally home. Soaking in sweat from an hour long drive with no AC in 100 degree heat.
45 minutes after I get home, she calls and asks me to come back as she is so lonely. I remind her that I just left and she tells me she understands and it's OK. I know now that she thought the lady who visited was the other Cindy. Then, just a few minutes later, she calls me back wanting my sisters phone number. I ask her which sister and she says the one who visited her today. I tell her that I am the one who visited her today and in her confused state, she tells me never mind. I am screeeewed no matter what.
This so sucks.
The only peace I have is in knowing that she is in a great place and they take good care of her.
I know that there is nothing we can do to make her happy. I'm finally getting it and I hate it. In all honesty, I hope God will take her home, and let her rest in peace.
This is no way for anyone to live.
I love you Mom.
Cindy
Sunday, June 13, 2010
My visit with Mom today was rather uneventful. I got to meet her new friend Elouise. They were both sitting in the lobby, awaiting my arrival. Mom was happy to see me but not like she had been every time I had visited before, which is a good thing, a very good thing. Before today she was so excited to see me and wanting to talk about how she is so lonely, miserable and how much she hates where she is. Today, the word lonely never even came out of her mouth. That, for me, is huge. She's not feeling so lonely anymore. Thank you Elouise.
I think the fact that she has found a friend has made her feel so much more comfortable. She likes this lady very much and I am so grateful that she has finally found someone she likes. This is a huge step in the right direction.
I will sleep better tonight thinking Mom is finally happy where she is.
Know that this can change on a dime as Mom is very unpredictable at this point. We do what we can and hope for the best and this has been my best day with her since she has been at Corinthians. I can only hope for this to continue. I do know better but for now, it's good.
The other good thing is she hasn't called me to ask me to come back. I don't know yet if she has called Mike or Teresa, haven't heard from them either, which is another positive sign.
Hanging in there.
C
I think the fact that she has found a friend has made her feel so much more comfortable. She likes this lady very much and I am so grateful that she has finally found someone she likes. This is a huge step in the right direction.
I will sleep better tonight thinking Mom is finally happy where she is.
Know that this can change on a dime as Mom is very unpredictable at this point. We do what we can and hope for the best and this has been my best day with her since she has been at Corinthians. I can only hope for this to continue. I do know better but for now, it's good.
The other good thing is she hasn't called me to ask me to come back. I don't know yet if she has called Mike or Teresa, haven't heard from them either, which is another positive sign.
Hanging in there.
C
Saturday, June 12, 2010
WOW. What a great visit I had with Mom on the phone today. She was upbeat and positive for the first time since she has been at Corinthians. She actually told me she is happy. ( OK Teresa, happy dance again.) All of the people there love her and she has made alot of friends. I tell her how great that is and that I knew it would only be a matter of time before that would happen.
She then wanted to let me know about her visit with Mike yesterday. She tells me I should get to know him. I remind her again, gently, that I do know Mike as he is my brother. Then she asks me if I know that he came to see her yesterday and brought groceries. I tell her I do know as she had told me yesterday when I talked with her. She asks me if I know that he brought her LIGHT BULBS- 50, 75, 100 watts; soft, medium and bright, just like she likes. How does he know that's what she likes. I tell her he knows because he is her son and knows what she likes. She found it " amazing, just amazing. " Good job on the lightbulbs, Mike. Who knew it would mean so much to her?
She told me about all of the people at Corinthians who commented on her visitor; what a handsome man and he looks like you. (Sorry Mike, but I am told that I look like her too. Better than being told we act like her, huh?) She says how handsome he is and how good he is to her and I agree that he is he is handsome and very good to her.
She tells me once again about Teresa. She seems to remember this time that I do know Teresa. We have talked about her enough that I think it has finally sunk in that I do in fact know her. She tells me how good she is to her. I tell her that I know, Teresa has been really great. Mom says she buys her things, she buys her too much. She doesn't know why Teresa gets her so much stuff. But she does acknowledge the fact that she appreciates what Teresa does for her and I do know that at this point Mom considers Teresa her best friend... and I think, savior.
Just an aside here. If Mom had any idea what a total and complete bitch she has always been where Teresa is concerned, she would be begging for her forgiveness. Literally, on knees begging. But T being T, Mom doesn't need to. There is certainly a very special place in heaven for people like Teresa.
I am looking forward to a pleasant visit tomorrow after talking with Mom today. I feel so much better about how she is feeling. I hope to meet some of her new friends and see if there really is a new attitude.
Please know that I am not kidding myself thinking this is a major step forward. It is a baby step in hoping against all hope that she may be able to find some happiness or just a sense of calm that she is where she needs to be and to stay a little longer.
She then wanted to let me know about her visit with Mike yesterday. She tells me I should get to know him. I remind her again, gently, that I do know Mike as he is my brother. Then she asks me if I know that he came to see her yesterday and brought groceries. I tell her I do know as she had told me yesterday when I talked with her. She asks me if I know that he brought her LIGHT BULBS- 50, 75, 100 watts; soft, medium and bright, just like she likes. How does he know that's what she likes. I tell her he knows because he is her son and knows what she likes. She found it " amazing, just amazing. " Good job on the lightbulbs, Mike. Who knew it would mean so much to her?
She told me about all of the people at Corinthians who commented on her visitor; what a handsome man and he looks like you. (Sorry Mike, but I am told that I look like her too. Better than being told we act like her, huh?) She says how handsome he is and how good he is to her and I agree that he is he is handsome and very good to her.
She tells me once again about Teresa. She seems to remember this time that I do know Teresa. We have talked about her enough that I think it has finally sunk in that I do in fact know her. She tells me how good she is to her. I tell her that I know, Teresa has been really great. Mom says she buys her things, she buys her too much. She doesn't know why Teresa gets her so much stuff. But she does acknowledge the fact that she appreciates what Teresa does for her and I do know that at this point Mom considers Teresa her best friend... and I think, savior.
Just an aside here. If Mom had any idea what a total and complete bitch she has always been where Teresa is concerned, she would be begging for her forgiveness. Literally, on knees begging. But T being T, Mom doesn't need to. There is certainly a very special place in heaven for people like Teresa.
I am looking forward to a pleasant visit tomorrow after talking with Mom today. I feel so much better about how she is feeling. I hope to meet some of her new friends and see if there really is a new attitude.
Please know that I am not kidding myself thinking this is a major step forward. It is a baby step in hoping against all hope that she may be able to find some happiness or just a sense of calm that she is where she needs to be and to stay a little longer.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Way to go Mikey
Happy to report that Ruth is situated with what she 'needs' again. Mike picked up the staples for her(beer, beer and beer) and called her from Kroger to see what else she needed. It was a short list , he picked it up and delivered it to her. Ruth was out of the room when he arrived but they finally caught up with each other....how difficult can it be to find someone in such a limited space...
Mike said he feels like Ruth is becoming involved in her new home. C C is right, SHE HAS A NEW FRIEND...Eloise from upstairs...Ruth has visited Eloise and Eloise has visited Ruth...HAPPY...HAPPY...HAPPY DANCE
In general , it was the same conversation as always ... Corinthians is an awful place, want to go back home, food is awful,confused, tired, how did I get here, want to go back home...second verse same as the first...
All in all ...a good visit...
Way to go Mikey...
Mike said he feels like Ruth is becoming involved in her new home. C C is right, SHE HAS A NEW FRIEND...Eloise from upstairs...Ruth has visited Eloise and Eloise has visited Ruth...HAPPY...HAPPY...HAPPY DANCE
In general , it was the same conversation as always ... Corinthians is an awful place, want to go back home, food is awful,confused, tired, how did I get here, want to go back home...second verse same as the first...
All in all ...a good visit...
Way to go Mikey...
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Yep. She called me earlier today and left the following message: "Cindy, honey, I need you to bring me some beer on your way home tonight, I think 6 should be enough."
She still goes back to when we lived right around the corner from each other and I could do that, no problem. I call her back and have to remind her that I live an hour away and cannot bring her beer. She then remembers and says she understands. I ask her if she went to Kroger on the bus today as she had told me she would. No she did not. Not going into detail here. Suffice it to say, she has a little problem from time to time and can't leave home. One might wonder if she has created this problem but I can assure all that she has not. It is a problem for her. Trust me, I know.
While on the phone with her, she told me about her new friend who is in her apt. watching TV with her and honestly, I thought it would be Teresa. But NO. Really, a new friend. I say "Mom, that's great. I'm really glad you found a friend." She briefly interrupts our conversation to ask her new friend if she can meet me, her twin sister, no, no, uh her daughter when I come Sunday. That's when I knew it wasn't Teresa; a voice I am not familiar with said yes. Yipee. Mom has a friend. Thanks new friend. I think I might love you.
As far as the financial needs are concerned, I think we need to do our best (? OK) to put restrictions on the cigs. and beer. Let her know that she can spend X amount each month and that is it.
I will talk with her Sunday about quitting smoking. She did quit for quite awhile and didn't seem to mind. I will talk with her about both of us quitting and maybe we could help each other get through it together. I won't be lying cause I really do need to quit too and I could use a buddy to help. It is not an easy thing to do. I have been giving it great consideration these last several months for many reasons. The price is through the roof and I think I would have more of an appetite and maybe put on a few pounds. That would be a good thing.
Giving up the cigs. Ouch.
She still goes back to when we lived right around the corner from each other and I could do that, no problem. I call her back and have to remind her that I live an hour away and cannot bring her beer. She then remembers and says she understands. I ask her if she went to Kroger on the bus today as she had told me she would. No she did not. Not going into detail here. Suffice it to say, she has a little problem from time to time and can't leave home. One might wonder if she has created this problem but I can assure all that she has not. It is a problem for her. Trust me, I know.
While on the phone with her, she told me about her new friend who is in her apt. watching TV with her and honestly, I thought it would be Teresa. But NO. Really, a new friend. I say "Mom, that's great. I'm really glad you found a friend." She briefly interrupts our conversation to ask her new friend if she can meet me, her twin sister, no, no, uh her daughter when I come Sunday. That's when I knew it wasn't Teresa; a voice I am not familiar with said yes. Yipee. Mom has a friend. Thanks new friend. I think I might love you.
As far as the financial needs are concerned, I think we need to do our best (? OK) to put restrictions on the cigs. and beer. Let her know that she can spend X amount each month and that is it.
I will talk with her Sunday about quitting smoking. She did quit for quite awhile and didn't seem to mind. I will talk with her about both of us quitting and maybe we could help each other get through it together. I won't be lying cause I really do need to quit too and I could use a buddy to help. It is not an easy thing to do. I have been giving it great consideration these last several months for many reasons. The price is through the roof and I think I would have more of an appetite and maybe put on a few pounds. That would be a good thing.
Giving up the cigs. Ouch.
hopeless in Carrollton
Our plan did not work. Mike called Ruth to be sure she was O K...she didn't go on the bus...she needs things...Mike told her he would go over tomorrow to either take her what she needs or take her to the store. That means I will go over to handle it.
She needs beer because her friend is coming over for lunch...YIKES...
She needs beer because her friend is coming over for lunch...YIKES...
just keep hoping
We have tried to lay low this week with Ruth. It is a very difficult thing for us (Mike, Cindy, and I) to do. The powers that be at Corinthians keep telling me it will be better for Ruth for us to stop jumping at her command...she sure has commanding down to an art form...As always, our main desire is for Ruth to become more comfortable where she is. She is still fighting it tooth and nail but we are listening to her rants less. We try to divert her to another subject when she starts complaining.
This weeks goal is for her to either give in and eat the food provided for her at Corinthians(she has many choices there) or to get on 'that damn bus' and go to Kroger. The end result of this is that it is supposed to make her feel more independent , help her to get to know the other peeps there better ,and help her realize the costs of the type of constant care we have been providing since she moved. Michelle says that she will the feel so much better and will begin to settle in. ...here's hoping Michelle...
The amount of money that Ruth has cost in the last month has been unbelievable. Mike and I have spent more than $2100 in one month on her. The cost for Cindy to drive back and forth is major for her. On top of that Ruth has had $2290 transferred over from her savings to cover her extra expenses over the last 3 months... We are worried...It has quickly become time for the siblings to step in and help , at least with expenses. As much as we want to, Mike and I can not continue to be the only ones financially supporting Ruth. For more than 20 years Linda, Cokie, Mike and I have been paying money each month for Ruths care. In that time Ruth was able to put away a little bit of money in savings . In the last 8 or 9 months she has depleted most of that money and we are still not in the time that the most expensive part of her care has begun. Cindy has told me that everyone has so much they are dealing with ...welcome to the club...our lives are no less complicated and we can lead the pack when it comes to being treated poorly by Ruth over the years BUT she still has to be cared for.
The one thing I can say for sure is that Ruth is a broken little woman who feels abandoned by her family. We all know that her life has been her choice but she now lives in a side world that she believes she was an'exemplary' mother and that she stayed in close contact with her own siblings. She can not understand why she can not go and live with one of her children or her siblings(all deceased or in a care facility). She thinks she needs to get a job so she can afford to move wherever she wants. She is even complaining about not wanting to go back to college as she has done that enough. We deal with this same conversation at least 5 times in every visit. She continues to believe that there is nothing wrong with her and that we are all crazy to think she can not live anywhere she wants. She is trying to figure out how to get another car and how she will get her furniture back so that she can move back home with her many friends and family members.She has no idea , no matter how many times we try to gently tell her, that she can not live on her own any more. The sad truth is, she is not many steps from needing to be put in a lock down facility...
At the end of the day we simply feel guilty. We know this is not our fault and that we have very little control over the situation. We know that moving her anywhere is not what will be the magic bullet that will make her happy. Her idea of what made her so happy before is false. She did not live in that world that she has chosen to remember. She was unsafe in Arlington and driving everyone crazy. She needs more care than we can offer and she needs to be in a safe facility. Her place is lovely but it is still a retirement home. She doesn't think she is as old as everyone else there .
Our goals this week can only be met if we can pass the test and leave her alone. I think this is the hardest part yet. I know my Mama would have never left her mother or mother in law alone to fend for themselves ,even if it was in a place as lovely and accommodating as Corinthians.. Of course, they were the normal sweet, quiet grandmothers that you think you will end up with. As my Daddy always said,"In the end, you reap what you sow.'' It is so sad to me that Ruth is now in that place. How I wish that she could have kept all lines of communication open with her children and that she could now be calm enough to be welcomed in any of our homes to live out the rest of her life being cared for by all of us. I see her on a daily basis and I know that is beyond impossible. SOOOOO we continue to do the best we can. Our biggest worry is that Ruth is going to continue to escalate in her negative behaviours at Corinthians and they will ask us to move her...we will be dead in the water if that happens...
Hopefully she got on the bus today and went to Kroger to get what she wanted. Hopefully that will accomplish all the things Michelle said it will. Hopefully Ruth will settle in and try to enjoy her surroundings and the care she is getting..we just keep hoping...
This weeks goal is for her to either give in and eat the food provided for her at Corinthians(she has many choices there) or to get on 'that damn bus' and go to Kroger. The end result of this is that it is supposed to make her feel more independent , help her to get to know the other peeps there better ,and help her realize the costs of the type of constant care we have been providing since she moved. Michelle says that she will the feel so much better and will begin to settle in. ...here's hoping Michelle...
The amount of money that Ruth has cost in the last month has been unbelievable. Mike and I have spent more than $2100 in one month on her. The cost for Cindy to drive back and forth is major for her. On top of that Ruth has had $2290 transferred over from her savings to cover her extra expenses over the last 3 months... We are worried...It has quickly become time for the siblings to step in and help , at least with expenses. As much as we want to, Mike and I can not continue to be the only ones financially supporting Ruth. For more than 20 years Linda, Cokie, Mike and I have been paying money each month for Ruths care. In that time Ruth was able to put away a little bit of money in savings . In the last 8 or 9 months she has depleted most of that money and we are still not in the time that the most expensive part of her care has begun. Cindy has told me that everyone has so much they are dealing with ...welcome to the club...our lives are no less complicated and we can lead the pack when it comes to being treated poorly by Ruth over the years BUT she still has to be cared for.
The one thing I can say for sure is that Ruth is a broken little woman who feels abandoned by her family. We all know that her life has been her choice but she now lives in a side world that she believes she was an'exemplary' mother and that she stayed in close contact with her own siblings. She can not understand why she can not go and live with one of her children or her siblings(all deceased or in a care facility). She thinks she needs to get a job so she can afford to move wherever she wants. She is even complaining about not wanting to go back to college as she has done that enough. We deal with this same conversation at least 5 times in every visit. She continues to believe that there is nothing wrong with her and that we are all crazy to think she can not live anywhere she wants. She is trying to figure out how to get another car and how she will get her furniture back so that she can move back home with her many friends and family members.She has no idea , no matter how many times we try to gently tell her, that she can not live on her own any more. The sad truth is, she is not many steps from needing to be put in a lock down facility...
At the end of the day we simply feel guilty. We know this is not our fault and that we have very little control over the situation. We know that moving her anywhere is not what will be the magic bullet that will make her happy. Her idea of what made her so happy before is false. She did not live in that world that she has chosen to remember. She was unsafe in Arlington and driving everyone crazy. She needs more care than we can offer and she needs to be in a safe facility. Her place is lovely but it is still a retirement home. She doesn't think she is as old as everyone else there .
Our goals this week can only be met if we can pass the test and leave her alone. I think this is the hardest part yet. I know my Mama would have never left her mother or mother in law alone to fend for themselves ,even if it was in a place as lovely and accommodating as Corinthians.. Of course, they were the normal sweet, quiet grandmothers that you think you will end up with. As my Daddy always said,"In the end, you reap what you sow.'' It is so sad to me that Ruth is now in that place. How I wish that she could have kept all lines of communication open with her children and that she could now be calm enough to be welcomed in any of our homes to live out the rest of her life being cared for by all of us. I see her on a daily basis and I know that is beyond impossible. SOOOOO we continue to do the best we can. Our biggest worry is that Ruth is going to continue to escalate in her negative behaviours at Corinthians and they will ask us to move her...we will be dead in the water if that happens...
Hopefully she got on the bus today and went to Kroger to get what she wanted. Hopefully that will accomplish all the things Michelle said it will. Hopefully Ruth will settle in and try to enjoy her surroundings and the care she is getting..we just keep hoping...
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Another Pleasant Valley Sunday.
In fact, Mom was rather pleasant today. I'm beginning to think Mom saves her tirades for Teresa. (so sorry Teresa.)
She told me that Mike got her TV replaced and she is happy about that. She again told me that Mike had bought that other TV. I tell her again, I know. She talks about how good Mike and Teresa are to her. I tell her I don't know what she would do without Teresa.
She was restless, as is usual these days, and wants to take a walk. I stop to again look into the game/TV room. I tell her there is a Scrabble game and mabey we could play later. She isn't interested. Keep in mind that in the past, Mom would call me on my day off and ask if I could come over and play Scrabble. I would and we would play for hours. She's just not interested anymore.
We went outside to smoke a couple of times as she told she's not allowed to smoke in the room. Progress, mabey. I won't count on it though. We had company both times and I am sorry to say that I cannot bring this nice ladies name to mind to save my life right now although I have visited with her almost every time I have visited Mom. She can't be much more than about 70 and uses one of those wheeled walkers that you can sit on. (Wish I had invented those things.) With her oxygen tank and breathing apparatus secured to her walker, she is outside smoking. She is a very nice lady and I feel for her. But in all honesty, she seems to be a pretty happy camper. I like her alot. She is always very upbeat and happy to talk with anyone.
I was home for no more than an hour when Mom called. Oh no, what now. She asks me to come back. I tell her that I just left there and just got home about 30 minutes ago and explain that I am an hour away, it's 100 degrees outside and that my AC doesn't work. She says she understands.
An hour after that call, she calls again and asks me to either come visit her or come get her and bring her home with me. I explain again and let her know that she would go nuts in my car in 100 degrees driving the hour plus it would take for me to bring her home with me. She tells me she understands but I know she's pissed off.
Then, I get a bright idea. (Correction-bad idea.) I thought it may be a good thing for her to talk with her good friend Terry, who I don't think she has spoken to since she has been there. So I called her back and let her in on my bright idea. There was no answer. 5 minutes later, she calls me and asked if I called and I said "yes, I did. Mom, I know that you are feeling lonely and thought you might like to call Terry and see how he's doing. I don't think you've talked to him since you moved and he has called me a couple of times to ask how you are." She went off. She was down the hall and had to come back to her apt. to call meback after she heard the phone ring. She sounds very upset and wants to know why I called. Honestly, I was so confused by her response that when she hung up on me, I looked at my phone just stunned. Did she really just do that.
There is no pleasing or apeasing her. I don't think it's possible anymore.
Goodnight Mom.
In fact, Mom was rather pleasant today. I'm beginning to think Mom saves her tirades for Teresa. (so sorry Teresa.)
She told me that Mike got her TV replaced and she is happy about that. She again told me that Mike had bought that other TV. I tell her again, I know. She talks about how good Mike and Teresa are to her. I tell her I don't know what she would do without Teresa.
She was restless, as is usual these days, and wants to take a walk. I stop to again look into the game/TV room. I tell her there is a Scrabble game and mabey we could play later. She isn't interested. Keep in mind that in the past, Mom would call me on my day off and ask if I could come over and play Scrabble. I would and we would play for hours. She's just not interested anymore.
We went outside to smoke a couple of times as she told she's not allowed to smoke in the room. Progress, mabey. I won't count on it though. We had company both times and I am sorry to say that I cannot bring this nice ladies name to mind to save my life right now although I have visited with her almost every time I have visited Mom. She can't be much more than about 70 and uses one of those wheeled walkers that you can sit on. (Wish I had invented those things.) With her oxygen tank and breathing apparatus secured to her walker, she is outside smoking. She is a very nice lady and I feel for her. But in all honesty, she seems to be a pretty happy camper. I like her alot. She is always very upbeat and happy to talk with anyone.
I was home for no more than an hour when Mom called. Oh no, what now. She asks me to come back. I tell her that I just left there and just got home about 30 minutes ago and explain that I am an hour away, it's 100 degrees outside and that my AC doesn't work. She says she understands.
An hour after that call, she calls again and asks me to either come visit her or come get her and bring her home with me. I explain again and let her know that she would go nuts in my car in 100 degrees driving the hour plus it would take for me to bring her home with me. She tells me she understands but I know she's pissed off.
Then, I get a bright idea. (Correction-bad idea.) I thought it may be a good thing for her to talk with her good friend Terry, who I don't think she has spoken to since she has been there. So I called her back and let her in on my bright idea. There was no answer. 5 minutes later, she calls me and asked if I called and I said "yes, I did. Mom, I know that you are feeling lonely and thought you might like to call Terry and see how he's doing. I don't think you've talked to him since you moved and he has called me a couple of times to ask how you are." She went off. She was down the hall and had to come back to her apt. to call meback after she heard the phone ring. She sounds very upset and wants to know why I called. Honestly, I was so confused by her response that when she hung up on me, I looked at my phone just stunned. Did she really just do that.
There is no pleasing or apeasing her. I don't think it's possible anymore.
Goodnight Mom.
Friday, June 4, 2010
In The Middle Of the Night...
Never a dull moment around here... At 12:00 A M I took a couple of Tylenol P M (that's right, this old Grandma is still a bit sore from kayaking with the babies) so I could get some rest. I laid down at 12:30 and was just dosing off when my phone rang...The most interesting thing to me about that situation is that I didn't have that 'sinking Mommy feeling' when I heard it, I had that 'oh my gosh daughter in law feeling' and immediately wondered what Ruth was up to...My feeling was correct, it was Stan from Corinthians saying that he could not get Ruth to go back to her room and that she was yelling in the halls and knocking on residents doors. He asked if I could come and try to calm her....I told him I would be right there...Important observation...It is a lot harder to quietly find stuff in the dark and to get dressed when you have just dozed off after taking Tylenol P M...
I pulled up in the parking lot at 1:00 Am to two police cars parked in front of the entrance...oh my goodness, oh my goodness...Stan let me in and apologized for calling so late.He said that Ruth had called the police...OH MY GOODNESS...He said she was so agitated and he tried to get her to just go back to her room but she wouldn't go. He said she kept yelling at him to ,"Sit back down behind that desk." I just kept saying I was so sorry. He said that he was there yesterday when Mike went over AGAIN to look at Ruth's T V but that she kept telling him that it was her husband who came by....hehehehe Mikey boy...We turned the corner and the officers were coming out of her room. They said they had gotten her back in her room(she had knocked on doors until one of the residents had let her in to keep her quiet) and that they had calmed her down.... I said ,"thank you so much." They asked if I had a key to get in and I told them no but Ruth opened the door right then and asked what was going on. She saw me and just waved her hand while telling me to come in , she needed to talk with me. It was like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be there at 1 in the morning...
For more than 4 hours Ruth chattered away. She couldn't remember what got her so agitated. She couldn't figure out how I got in the room. She was so grateful to the nice young lady who let her in and saved her life...Ruth's take on the story was...She remembered that she went down about midnight to get Stan to set her clock to the exact time his was set at..she didn't know why she did that...she didn't know what happened next but when Stan stood up to come around the desk(my guess would be he did that to fix her clock) she realized how stupid she was to talk to this strange man because she had no idea who he was ( she has seen him many times)...she said he then told her to go to her room..now Ruth's little mind went into overdrive and she decided that he wanted her to go to her room to' rape her or do God knows what else'. She said she decided to become as loud and belligerent as possible as she thought her life was in danger...she said she knocked on door after door to try to get in to someones apartment...once she got in one, she decided to call the police so they could 'handle Stan'...It was a mess...Over and over, I explained what Stan's job is...she said I didn't know what his job was and that I was just plain wrong about him having any right to tell residents what to do...whatever... she finally calmed down...we chatted about birthin babies...women's roles in a home...kids decisions being their own choices and on and on...I told her about 4 times that I really had to go...I left about 5:15...she seemed fine...
Cindy called at about 10:00 A M to let me know that her brothers mother had called and needed toilet paper and tissues...we decided to be tough(HAHAHA) and have Cindy call her back and tell her to take the bus...I didn't answer my phone when she called...I tell Cindy about last nights fun...we are both at a loss as to what to do..can it get any worse..why yes little ladies, I am sure it can...Mike comes home early...we decide to just go buy her another T V today and take her some T P, kleenex AND Tic Tacs...last night Ruth reminded me how STUPID we were to get her such a HUGE T V and how stupid we were to not take back the messed up one sooner SOOOO we bought her a 27 inch one this time...When we got there Carla said she had been on the war path all morning and that the residents she was approaching would just shake their heads and walk away...what to do , what to do...She opened the door and ushered us in...She was so confused about the process involved in getting the new T V...we kept telling her that we just stopped by Walmart and bought another one....she just couldn't grasp the idea...She was sitting on the bed chattering away about how stupid it was that we bought the big one, how she HATED the letters HD on the T V as it just meant that you were trying to act important...chatter, chatter, chatter...Mike got it working as quickly as he could...She was thrilled with the smaller T V, she said she likes things smaller, it is not so pretentious...she said the picture is much better...it is perfect( Oh God, PLEASE let it stay perfect)...Mike told her we had things to do (HMMM, that would be Cracker Barrel)...she said how much she appreciated all we do...she seemed happy...as we left Mari asked how she was doing and laughed and said she couldn't believe she called the police. I explained what Ruth was thinking.She said she would get Michelle to go by and talk with her to be sure she was O K...they really are so great...We just want Ruth to calm down so they don't kick her out,we could never duplicate where she is living for what we are paying....
I pulled up in the parking lot at 1:00 Am to two police cars parked in front of the entrance...oh my goodness, oh my goodness...Stan let me in and apologized for calling so late.He said that Ruth had called the police...OH MY GOODNESS...He said she was so agitated and he tried to get her to just go back to her room but she wouldn't go. He said she kept yelling at him to ,"Sit back down behind that desk." I just kept saying I was so sorry. He said that he was there yesterday when Mike went over AGAIN to look at Ruth's T V but that she kept telling him that it was her husband who came by....hehehehe Mikey boy...We turned the corner and the officers were coming out of her room. They said they had gotten her back in her room(she had knocked on doors until one of the residents had let her in to keep her quiet) and that they had calmed her down.... I said ,"thank you so much." They asked if I had a key to get in and I told them no but Ruth opened the door right then and asked what was going on. She saw me and just waved her hand while telling me to come in , she needed to talk with me. It was like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be there at 1 in the morning...
For more than 4 hours Ruth chattered away. She couldn't remember what got her so agitated. She couldn't figure out how I got in the room. She was so grateful to the nice young lady who let her in and saved her life...Ruth's take on the story was...She remembered that she went down about midnight to get Stan to set her clock to the exact time his was set at..she didn't know why she did that...she didn't know what happened next but when Stan stood up to come around the desk(my guess would be he did that to fix her clock) she realized how stupid she was to talk to this strange man because she had no idea who he was ( she has seen him many times)...she said he then told her to go to her room..now Ruth's little mind went into overdrive and she decided that he wanted her to go to her room to' rape her or do God knows what else'. She said she decided to become as loud and belligerent as possible as she thought her life was in danger...she said she knocked on door after door to try to get in to someones apartment...once she got in one, she decided to call the police so they could 'handle Stan'...It was a mess...Over and over, I explained what Stan's job is...she said I didn't know what his job was and that I was just plain wrong about him having any right to tell residents what to do...whatever... she finally calmed down...we chatted about birthin babies...women's roles in a home...kids decisions being their own choices and on and on...I told her about 4 times that I really had to go...I left about 5:15...she seemed fine...
Cindy called at about 10:00 A M to let me know that her brothers mother had called and needed toilet paper and tissues...we decided to be tough(HAHAHA) and have Cindy call her back and tell her to take the bus...I didn't answer my phone when she called...I tell Cindy about last nights fun...we are both at a loss as to what to do..can it get any worse..why yes little ladies, I am sure it can...Mike comes home early...we decide to just go buy her another T V today and take her some T P, kleenex AND Tic Tacs...last night Ruth reminded me how STUPID we were to get her such a HUGE T V and how stupid we were to not take back the messed up one sooner SOOOO we bought her a 27 inch one this time...When we got there Carla said she had been on the war path all morning and that the residents she was approaching would just shake their heads and walk away...what to do , what to do...She opened the door and ushered us in...She was so confused about the process involved in getting the new T V...we kept telling her that we just stopped by Walmart and bought another one....she just couldn't grasp the idea...She was sitting on the bed chattering away about how stupid it was that we bought the big one, how she HATED the letters HD on the T V as it just meant that you were trying to act important...chatter, chatter, chatter...Mike got it working as quickly as he could...She was thrilled with the smaller T V, she said she likes things smaller, it is not so pretentious...she said the picture is much better...it is perfect( Oh God, PLEASE let it stay perfect)...Mike told her we had things to do (HMMM, that would be Cracker Barrel)...she said how much she appreciated all we do...she seemed happy...as we left Mari asked how she was doing and laughed and said she couldn't believe she called the police. I explained what Ruth was thinking.She said she would get Michelle to go by and talk with her to be sure she was O K...they really are so great...We just want Ruth to calm down so they don't kick her out,we could never duplicate where she is living for what we are paying....
Thursday, June 3, 2010
June 3...UNCLE
The last few days with Ruth have been draining. After my 'requested by Ruth's 6 calls today ' visit with Ruth, I am crying UNCLE and have decided I will take a break for a bit. We are making no progress in our quest to make Ruth any happier or more settled. She is down right mean at times . We are at a loss ...
The director at Corinthians has suggested that we all back off for a while. Once again, Michelle says we need to stop buying her beer, cigarettes , and requested foods so that Ruth will be forced to eat the food provided and that she will realize that she can take the bus to get whatever she wants....mmmmm......I think Ruth may be stronger willed than they realize but after today I think it is time to let her fend for herself....I think...
This week she has been more agitated, more confused, and more demanding. We are throwing in the towel on the new T V we bought her and taking it back to exchange it for another one. It is the only way to stop her complaining about it...I am sorry Walmart, I know there is nothing wrong with the T V but she will NOT leave everyone alone until it is done...
We have got to get the Dr's to help us out. Our biggest fear is that she will be asked to leave Corinthians...She has no idea what a nice place she is at. She thinks everyone is crazy for thinking she has any medical issues. There is NO possibility that she can live on her own again and she really is too demanding to live with any one else. I chatted with her about maybe having a room mate ...she said she would think about that...I told her she would have to understand that most people there do not smoke or drink...She said," Oh, I wouldn't let that bother me. I don't care if they don't smoke." I told her that she would have to find someone who did not care that she smoked and drank. She got agitated , waved her hand in the air and said," I don't care what they think about me smoking, they will have to get used to that."...we are fighting a losing battle. Ruth genuinely feels like she sets all the rules for everyone...
We all know how out of control Ruth feels. We know how much she hates where she is. We know that she wants her car back and to live with all her friends and family in Arlington. We are so sad for her. We simply do not know what to do to make things better.
The director at Corinthians has suggested that we all back off for a while. Once again, Michelle says we need to stop buying her beer, cigarettes , and requested foods so that Ruth will be forced to eat the food provided and that she will realize that she can take the bus to get whatever she wants....mmmmm......I think Ruth may be stronger willed than they realize but after today I think it is time to let her fend for herself....I think...
This week she has been more agitated, more confused, and more demanding. We are throwing in the towel on the new T V we bought her and taking it back to exchange it for another one. It is the only way to stop her complaining about it...I am sorry Walmart, I know there is nothing wrong with the T V but she will NOT leave everyone alone until it is done...
We have got to get the Dr's to help us out. Our biggest fear is that she will be asked to leave Corinthians...She has no idea what a nice place she is at. She thinks everyone is crazy for thinking she has any medical issues. There is NO possibility that she can live on her own again and she really is too demanding to live with any one else. I chatted with her about maybe having a room mate ...she said she would think about that...I told her she would have to understand that most people there do not smoke or drink...She said," Oh, I wouldn't let that bother me. I don't care if they don't smoke." I told her that she would have to find someone who did not care that she smoked and drank. She got agitated , waved her hand in the air and said," I don't care what they think about me smoking, they will have to get used to that."...we are fighting a losing battle. Ruth genuinely feels like she sets all the rules for everyone...
We all know how out of control Ruth feels. We know how much she hates where she is. We know that she wants her car back and to live with all her friends and family in Arlington. We are so sad for her. We simply do not know what to do to make things better.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Today wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. I told her yesterday that I wanted to have lunch with her in the dining room. She happily agreed. Huh?? Am I going to make a little headway and get her to actually eat in the dining room?? What was I thinking. Of course not. The food there is awful according to her and she did not even let them put a plate in front of her. Not the soup, not the salad, not the diner and not even the piping hot peach and apple cobbler (yum)
Prior to lunch being served, there was a very small, but nice tribute to our military.
During this tribute Mom had to go back to her room. Then she came back, sat down for awhile. Long story short, she went home and came back 4 or 5 times all within an hour and a half.
I thought she would go off about her visit with Mike (Dick) but she didn't. Instead, she asked me if I knew that the T.V. doesn't belong to Corinthians, Mike bought it for her. I said yes, I do know. Then she asked me if I knew that Mike bought her the bed. I again said yes, I know that Mike bought her the bed.
Here we go; "How do you know Mike?" I tell her again, for the umpteenth time that he is my brother. I say " Mom, he's my brother, my only living brother." I added that fact thinking she might want to talk about Court with me as she had wanted to talk with Teresa about him yesterday. Guess not. She didn't even mention Court.
Today I brought a photo album with pics that are 20 plus years old. There were pics of Court, Lee and little Court, including shots of Mom with Court and little Court, Mike and Teresa's family, my ex-husband, me pregnant with my now 24 year old son , Linda, Scott and Tracy.
A couple of pics were of Mom at her job as the social director for the apt. complex she worked at and showed her with Jack. No, not Jack her ex, Jack the man she dated for a long time. In this case, there really are two Jack's. But, she did not remember him. I reminded her how she met him and how much she, and we liked him. She wasn't really interested. I don't think she remembers him at all. At least not today.
She wanted to know what I was going to do with the album. I said I'll leave it here for awhile because I thought Mike and Teresa might like to see some of the pics and I'll take it home later.
She wanted to know where to keep it. I suggested she just put it on the chair so she wouldn't forget to let Teresa see it. She did.
She talked again about the fact that she hates it there. She asks me what I think. I tell her, again, that I would love it. I say "Mom, are you kidding me. You don't have to plan meals, shop, cook or clean up afterwards. It's all done for you. You go to the dining room and they serve you, or if you prefer, you can let them know what you want and they will bring it to your apt. They come in and clean your room. What I wouldn't give." She goes back to hating the food. I remind her AGAIN that she can order whatever she wants and again, she knows. She just doesn't do it.
I'm beginning to think she's happier just to have something to bitch about. Kind of like a little kid telling mommy that he doesn't want to stay in school and needs to find a reason for mommy to let him stay home.
She again talks about where she will go when she does get out of here. She talks again about getting a job. She tells me that Mike told her yesterday that she can't get a job and I tell her that he is right. I remind her that I am looking for a job and that the job market sucks, the economy sucks and that at 53, I'm having a hard time. I remind her that at 83, nobody is going to hire her not only because of her age but that she has no way to get to a job. She understands, for now. I'm sure I will be going over this same subject with her again next week.
I keep hoping that this will all get better for her and while I am with her I continue to encourage her to get out and meet people.
Please, please, find some happiness and peace.
Goodnight Mom.
Love,
Cindy
Prior to lunch being served, there was a very small, but nice tribute to our military.
During this tribute Mom had to go back to her room. Then she came back, sat down for awhile. Long story short, she went home and came back 4 or 5 times all within an hour and a half.
I thought she would go off about her visit with Mike (Dick) but she didn't. Instead, she asked me if I knew that the T.V. doesn't belong to Corinthians, Mike bought it for her. I said yes, I do know. Then she asked me if I knew that Mike bought her the bed. I again said yes, I know that Mike bought her the bed.
Here we go; "How do you know Mike?" I tell her again, for the umpteenth time that he is my brother. I say " Mom, he's my brother, my only living brother." I added that fact thinking she might want to talk about Court with me as she had wanted to talk with Teresa about him yesterday. Guess not. She didn't even mention Court.
Today I brought a photo album with pics that are 20 plus years old. There were pics of Court, Lee and little Court, including shots of Mom with Court and little Court, Mike and Teresa's family, my ex-husband, me pregnant with my now 24 year old son , Linda, Scott and Tracy.
A couple of pics were of Mom at her job as the social director for the apt. complex she worked at and showed her with Jack. No, not Jack her ex, Jack the man she dated for a long time. In this case, there really are two Jack's. But, she did not remember him. I reminded her how she met him and how much she, and we liked him. She wasn't really interested. I don't think she remembers him at all. At least not today.
She wanted to know what I was going to do with the album. I said I'll leave it here for awhile because I thought Mike and Teresa might like to see some of the pics and I'll take it home later.
She wanted to know where to keep it. I suggested she just put it on the chair so she wouldn't forget to let Teresa see it. She did.
She talked again about the fact that she hates it there. She asks me what I think. I tell her, again, that I would love it. I say "Mom, are you kidding me. You don't have to plan meals, shop, cook or clean up afterwards. It's all done for you. You go to the dining room and they serve you, or if you prefer, you can let them know what you want and they will bring it to your apt. They come in and clean your room. What I wouldn't give." She goes back to hating the food. I remind her AGAIN that she can order whatever she wants and again, she knows. She just doesn't do it.
I'm beginning to think she's happier just to have something to bitch about. Kind of like a little kid telling mommy that he doesn't want to stay in school and needs to find a reason for mommy to let him stay home.
She again talks about where she will go when she does get out of here. She talks again about getting a job. She tells me that Mike told her yesterday that she can't get a job and I tell her that he is right. I remind her that I am looking for a job and that the job market sucks, the economy sucks and that at 53, I'm having a hard time. I remind her that at 83, nobody is going to hire her not only because of her age but that she has no way to get to a job. She understands, for now. I'm sure I will be going over this same subject with her again next week.
I keep hoping that this will all get better for her and while I am with her I continue to encourage her to get out and meet people.
Please, please, find some happiness and peace.
Goodnight Mom.
Love,
Cindy
Saturday, May 29, 2010
May 29...Oh Ruth
O K....today was Mikes day but since he would never record on the blog I will try to recap his fun times....
He called Ruth at 9 this morning and told her he was going to do the yard first thing today due to the heat and then if she would like he would come and visit her late in the afternoon. She said that made sense and she would see him later.
At 1 Mike went to retrieve the much needed golf balls for our Memorial Day Bash. He called me about 1:30 and said he had just talked with his Mom....he laughed... I said ," Oh no, what did she have to say?" He said she called him and said," Michael, the other Mike called me this morning and said he was coming to see me today . Do you know what time he is coming?" ...my turn to laugh at him.... He said," Mom, that was me that called." Ruth said, " No , it was the other Mike." Mike explained in detail his call that morning .Ruth said, " Oh,
O K but can you tell the family that I am not going to cook tonight ." Mike said,"Mom, of course you are not going to cook, you don't have a stove." Ruth said, " Um, whatever, I know they will be expecting me to cook but we can eat in the dining room if everyone wants." Mike says," Mom, I will see you later, how about 3:30." Ruth says that will be fine...
Mike leaves a little before 3 to visit his Mom....At 3:07 Ruth calls me . After the usual intro she says, " Teresa, where is all the family?"...I hesitate and say, ''What?'' Ruth anxiously says, " Where is all the family? They were supposed to be here by now?" I say, "Ruth, Mike talked to you at 1 today and told you he would be there at 3:30." She hurriedly says," Oh, I misunderstood, I am sorry." I said," No problem, Mike is actually on his way. Have a good time."
Mike was there for a couple of hours. She was headed out the door with her trusty Kroger Shopping Purse in hand when he arrived. They went back in and the whirlwind began.
It is too difficult to recreate exact conversations from someone else's story, especially one told by a man who is suffering from both a cigarette smoke headache and the fog that is a visit with Ruth so I will just hit some of the highlights.
As soon as he got there, Ruth's first order of business was to show Mike her medical report( been there and done that before). The next important item was her bill from Corinthians. Mike looked over both things and let her know they were in order. Her next thing was she wanted him to look at the menu for dinner. She said that the family may want to eat in the dining room. Mike said he was the only one coming. She said that the family was coming, all the kids. Mike asked who. Ruth said all those kids. Mike said that all of our kids lived in their own home and that he was sorry if he led her to think anyone else was coming.She says never mind...
Now she is ready for the kill...she has to get out of this place..she hates it here... she has so many options she doesn't know which one to choose...did she mention she hates it here...
Mike is much more patient now and he has learned the art of talking softly and in a more monotone voice to try to sooth her. He addresses each statement and is smart enough to ASK her what her options are(you go Mike)...She thinks for a minute and realizes she doesn't really have any...Mike tauts the great qualities of Corinthians... Ruth says the food is awful... Mike says maybe she should try to find things she likes...(Ain't gonna happen my love)...Ruth wants to know whose idea this whole thing was. Mike tells her all of ours. He tells her how sad he feels because she doesn't like it there...It doesn't help...That conversation continues for awhile..
Her next BIG deal is," does he know WHO BOUGHT THAT TV.." He says ,"Yes Mom, I bought the TV." Ruth rears up and says, "LIAR"...Mike says," Mom why would I lie about that?" She says ,''Terry keeps telling me the other Mike bought the T V." ...we're on the slippery slope now...Mike tries to explain , Ruth get really angry, Mike tries to calm her down, Ruth is not calming down..She belligerently adds," O K, tell me this..who bought the mattresses?" Mike quietly says," Mom, I bought them." Once again,"AH HA, I know you are lying. Teresa said her husband bought them." Mike says," Mom ,I am her husband. There is no other Mike. I am Mike your son and Teresa's husband. I don't know why that is so confusing for you but there is only me." She is livid...Mike is wrong...There are 2 Mikes...Mike just tells her he doesn't want to upset her and he changes the subject..how about that oil spill...
They talk a bit about world affairs and then Ruth asks Mike about his job. They chat about that for a bit...she seems to know who he is..
Next she asks him if he is going to move back to Westchester County...(welcome back Dick)...Mike explains that he has never lived in Westchester County. Ruth tells him ,"Of course you have, we all lived there. " Mike says," Mom , I am your son, I have never lived in Westchester County , that is where you lived with your family." She waves him off and says she knows who he is. She then says," Are you going to move back into the same apartment in Westchester County." Mike just says he never lived there...change of subject..
Ruth says Mike needs to go home and eat. Mike says he can stay and talk. She says no, he needs to get home..
On the way down the hall Mike is giving Ruth the continued pep talk about meeting people, helping people there,giving the place a chance. Ruth says she has met a man. Mike smiles and says," Errol?" Ruth says," Oh , you know about him." ..poor Errol, poor, poor Errol....
Mike tells he he just wants her to be happy...
Good night Ruth...You did good Mike
He called Ruth at 9 this morning and told her he was going to do the yard first thing today due to the heat and then if she would like he would come and visit her late in the afternoon. She said that made sense and she would see him later.
At 1 Mike went to retrieve the much needed golf balls for our Memorial Day Bash. He called me about 1:30 and said he had just talked with his Mom....he laughed... I said ," Oh no, what did she have to say?" He said she called him and said," Michael, the other Mike called me this morning and said he was coming to see me today . Do you know what time he is coming?" ...my turn to laugh at him.... He said," Mom, that was me that called." Ruth said, " No , it was the other Mike." Mike explained in detail his call that morning .Ruth said, " Oh,
O K but can you tell the family that I am not going to cook tonight ." Mike said,"Mom, of course you are not going to cook, you don't have a stove." Ruth said, " Um, whatever, I know they will be expecting me to cook but we can eat in the dining room if everyone wants." Mike says," Mom, I will see you later, how about 3:30." Ruth says that will be fine...
Mike leaves a little before 3 to visit his Mom....At 3:07 Ruth calls me . After the usual intro she says, " Teresa, where is all the family?"...I hesitate and say, ''What?'' Ruth anxiously says, " Where is all the family? They were supposed to be here by now?" I say, "Ruth, Mike talked to you at 1 today and told you he would be there at 3:30." She hurriedly says," Oh, I misunderstood, I am sorry." I said," No problem, Mike is actually on his way. Have a good time."
Mike was there for a couple of hours. She was headed out the door with her trusty Kroger Shopping Purse in hand when he arrived. They went back in and the whirlwind began.
It is too difficult to recreate exact conversations from someone else's story, especially one told by a man who is suffering from both a cigarette smoke headache and the fog that is a visit with Ruth so I will just hit some of the highlights.
As soon as he got there, Ruth's first order of business was to show Mike her medical report( been there and done that before). The next important item was her bill from Corinthians. Mike looked over both things and let her know they were in order. Her next thing was she wanted him to look at the menu for dinner. She said that the family may want to eat in the dining room. Mike said he was the only one coming. She said that the family was coming, all the kids. Mike asked who. Ruth said all those kids. Mike said that all of our kids lived in their own home and that he was sorry if he led her to think anyone else was coming.She says never mind...
Now she is ready for the kill...she has to get out of this place..she hates it here... she has so many options she doesn't know which one to choose...did she mention she hates it here...
Mike is much more patient now and he has learned the art of talking softly and in a more monotone voice to try to sooth her. He addresses each statement and is smart enough to ASK her what her options are(you go Mike)...She thinks for a minute and realizes she doesn't really have any...Mike tauts the great qualities of Corinthians... Ruth says the food is awful... Mike says maybe she should try to find things she likes...(Ain't gonna happen my love)...Ruth wants to know whose idea this whole thing was. Mike tells her all of ours. He tells her how sad he feels because she doesn't like it there...It doesn't help...That conversation continues for awhile..
Her next BIG deal is," does he know WHO BOUGHT THAT TV.." He says ,"Yes Mom, I bought the TV." Ruth rears up and says, "LIAR"...Mike says," Mom why would I lie about that?" She says ,''Terry keeps telling me the other Mike bought the T V." ...we're on the slippery slope now...Mike tries to explain , Ruth get really angry, Mike tries to calm her down, Ruth is not calming down..She belligerently adds," O K, tell me this..who bought the mattresses?" Mike quietly says," Mom, I bought them." Once again,"AH HA, I know you are lying. Teresa said her husband bought them." Mike says," Mom ,I am her husband. There is no other Mike. I am Mike your son and Teresa's husband. I don't know why that is so confusing for you but there is only me." She is livid...Mike is wrong...There are 2 Mikes...Mike just tells her he doesn't want to upset her and he changes the subject..how about that oil spill...
They talk a bit about world affairs and then Ruth asks Mike about his job. They chat about that for a bit...she seems to know who he is..
Next she asks him if he is going to move back to Westchester County...(welcome back Dick)...Mike explains that he has never lived in Westchester County. Ruth tells him ,"Of course you have, we all lived there. " Mike says," Mom , I am your son, I have never lived in Westchester County , that is where you lived with your family." She waves him off and says she knows who he is. She then says," Are you going to move back into the same apartment in Westchester County." Mike just says he never lived there...change of subject..
Ruth says Mike needs to go home and eat. Mike says he can stay and talk. She says no, he needs to get home..
On the way down the hall Mike is giving Ruth the continued pep talk about meeting people, helping people there,giving the place a chance. Ruth says she has met a man. Mike smiles and says," Errol?" Ruth says," Oh , you know about him." ..poor Errol, poor, poor Errol....
Mike tells he he just wants her to be happy...
Good night Ruth...You did good Mike
Friday, May 28, 2010
May 28
Ruth was definitely in an interesting frame of mind today. I had my busy day planned and thought I would visit with her for about an hour...it turned into 5 hours...so much for plans.
On the way over I stopped and got her yogurt and pudding. I also got her a little dress that she will hopefully slip on when leaving her room INSTEAD of parading around in her night gown. I figured it was worth a try. I picked her up a pair of white deerform slippers and a couple of new night gowns.
When I arrived I noticed Joyce eating ice cream . I said hi and asked how things were. She said," Oh she's been on a tear all day, all day." I smiled and said ," Do I need armor?" Joyce laughed and said," Maybe..."
Ruth opened the door and was SOOOOOO excited to see me, she said, " I was thinking about you." I said," Well, you thought me here." She laughed .... I showed her my bags of goodies. She is like a little kid getting gifts sometimes. She seemed to like everything, including the dress...we'll see....
She was so chatty today. We explored so many different universes and most of the time she seemed to know exactly what we were talking about. She is now zeroing in on different things in her life out of the clear blue. For some reason Scott seems to be on her mind a lot. I tell her she really needs to talk with Cindy about Scott as she knows a lot more about him.Next on her list is Jack...Jack's Mom Louise, Jack's brother Lyman , Jack's Dad George, Martine...she goes over and over the family relationships with Jacks peeps . She is most obsessed with Jacks Mom Louise today. Out of no where she asks if I knew Court. I say yes. She asks if I know he died. I say yes. She asks,"How did he die?' ...I am dead in the water...she is just staring at me. I look at her and say," Ruth, I really don't think we need to talk about this now." She says," Oh, so you don't know how he died." I say,"Well, yes I do. Ruth ,do you know how Rick died?'' She pauses for a minute and then quietly says," Yes, he committed suicide." I say,"Yes ,that is so hard ,isn't it..." We spent the next 30 minutes going over every detail of what happened. She even told me things I didn't know had happened. For all of these years, I think Ruth has bottled up how she felt and for some reason she chose today to talk about everything. She was not overwhelmed with sadness , she was just stating how she felt and what happened. I told her that she should always feel like she can talk about the good and bad things about Court. She seems to feel like she can do that now...dementia is so strange..After Court she was back to Jack and Lyman,seems like she dated Lyman first,which is how she met Jack. She told some fun stories about she and Jack ...she then went right back to how lousy he was...She was especially fretful about Claires drive this weekend as it is a holiday. She said it was a 2 hour drive. I nonchalantly said it was a one hour drive. She bowed up a little bit and said ,"No , it was 2 hours, she had just driven it." I laughed and said," Ruth honey, it was a 2 hour drive with you at 35 MPH but it is a one hour drive for normal people at 70 MPH>' That's right, I stuck my neck right out there. She turned around a looked at me and laughed while shaking her head and said," you are such a hoot, I'll bet you are right. So, will it only take Cindy 1 hour?" I said, " Yes maam. 1 hour from door to door." She said," Thank goodness, I won't worry as much."
Next topic..ERROL...too funny...she said she and Errol went for a couple of walks today. She said she still hasn't figured out where his room is. She said she met his lovely daughter Valerie. She said she made a couple of jokes because she didn't want Valerie to go back to her Mom and say she had met Erolls girlfriend. She added," I don't like people to talk like we are an item, I mean, if that happens then they can talk , I just want to let nature run its course." Isaid,"Are you afraid everyone will say...Ruth and Errol sitting in a tree?" She laughed out loud and said,"Yeah, something like that.You are too funny." We spend a lot of time on Errol..how he looks, acts, his hair patterns,possibilities for him being her'boyfriend', his age...on and on...it is just too much... My guess would be that Eroll is in his late 60's . Ruth said he is probably much younger than her but that doesn't matter...JUST TOO MUCH...
We talked a lot about genealogy..she was very interested today.
She looks at the clock and says it is after 6, the day has flown by. She says she has had such a busy day with the party to welcome new residents, all her work and our lovely visit. I tell her I need to get home to fix dinner. She dresses to walk me out. She runs into a lady at the mailboxes who can't figure out her keys. Ruth swoops in like a mother hen and shows her her pink tape and says she will take her to the front desk and get her keys fixed. I am out of the picture now. Ruth and her student of the keys are chatting away while walking to the front. I tell her I am leaving and that Mike will either call her or come by tomorrow, what ever she would like. She asks,"Who, who who who?" O K , she only said it once. I say,"Mike". She seems confused and says," You know, last Saturday I thought I was going to get a visit from my son Mike but this other guy showed up." ...SQUARE ONE AGAIN....I tell her that was her son Mike..She quickly says," Oh, I know, whatever is best for him. Just have him call me so I know what he wants to do." I say I will and tell her goodbye.She is off on her new mission to save all the confused key holders of the world.
I get to Target and she calls and says she only has 2 cigarettes. I ask if she can make it til the morning. She says no. I tell her I will come back. This means that she has smoked a carton in 5 days. I stop at CVS and buy her 3 cartons. I am a little aggravated because I had to go all the way back AFTER being there all afternoon. I decide I am being selfish so to ease my guilt I drive on down to KFC and get her some chicken. She is standing in the hall ,in her night gown BUT at least she has her lovely new "divine slippers on". She says she has been waiting forever. I show her the 3 cartons of cigarettes and her KFC. She coos like a dove. SHE LOVES ME>>SHE REALLY LOVES ME(Sally Field reference)... She HAS to write me a check for the cigs. I let her. I really don't want to pay for her cigs or beer. I rationalize it all out in my mind that we will pay for her food, etc and she can pay for her cigs and beer. I know, it is all the same...She wants me to stay...I sit down for a bit and then tell her I still need to go feed Mike. It is 7:45...she says she is so excited about her chicken and that it will take her an hour to eat it...I tell her to eat and enjoy and to have a good nights sleep. She says she will and that I am the best friend she has ever had.
Not one time, in the whole day did she complain about being at Corinthians. When I got back she said she had been working like a whore, thats right, not a horse, a whore. She said she had changed her sheets and remade her bed. I reminded her that Corinthians will do that for her. She said she knew but she wanted it to be especially nice for Claires visit. I say I understand. She says she will let me out...
Good night Ruth...
On the way over I stopped and got her yogurt and pudding. I also got her a little dress that she will hopefully slip on when leaving her room INSTEAD of parading around in her night gown. I figured it was worth a try. I picked her up a pair of white deerform slippers and a couple of new night gowns.
When I arrived I noticed Joyce eating ice cream . I said hi and asked how things were. She said," Oh she's been on a tear all day, all day." I smiled and said ," Do I need armor?" Joyce laughed and said," Maybe..."
Ruth opened the door and was SOOOOOO excited to see me, she said, " I was thinking about you." I said," Well, you thought me here." She laughed .... I showed her my bags of goodies. She is like a little kid getting gifts sometimes. She seemed to like everything, including the dress...we'll see....
She was so chatty today. We explored so many different universes and most of the time she seemed to know exactly what we were talking about. She is now zeroing in on different things in her life out of the clear blue. For some reason Scott seems to be on her mind a lot. I tell her she really needs to talk with Cindy about Scott as she knows a lot more about him.Next on her list is Jack...Jack's Mom Louise, Jack's brother Lyman , Jack's Dad George, Martine...she goes over and over the family relationships with Jacks peeps . She is most obsessed with Jacks Mom Louise today. Out of no where she asks if I knew Court. I say yes. She asks if I know he died. I say yes. She asks,"How did he die?' ...I am dead in the water...she is just staring at me. I look at her and say," Ruth, I really don't think we need to talk about this now." She says," Oh, so you don't know how he died." I say,"Well, yes I do. Ruth ,do you know how Rick died?'' She pauses for a minute and then quietly says," Yes, he committed suicide." I say,"Yes ,that is so hard ,isn't it..." We spent the next 30 minutes going over every detail of what happened. She even told me things I didn't know had happened. For all of these years, I think Ruth has bottled up how she felt and for some reason she chose today to talk about everything. She was not overwhelmed with sadness , she was just stating how she felt and what happened. I told her that she should always feel like she can talk about the good and bad things about Court. She seems to feel like she can do that now...dementia is so strange..After Court she was back to Jack and Lyman,seems like she dated Lyman first,which is how she met Jack. She told some fun stories about she and Jack ...she then went right back to how lousy he was...She was especially fretful about Claires drive this weekend as it is a holiday. She said it was a 2 hour drive. I nonchalantly said it was a one hour drive. She bowed up a little bit and said ,"No , it was 2 hours, she had just driven it." I laughed and said," Ruth honey, it was a 2 hour drive with you at 35 MPH but it is a one hour drive for normal people at 70 MPH>' That's right, I stuck my neck right out there. She turned around a looked at me and laughed while shaking her head and said," you are such a hoot, I'll bet you are right. So, will it only take Cindy 1 hour?" I said, " Yes maam. 1 hour from door to door." She said," Thank goodness, I won't worry as much."
Next topic..ERROL...too funny...she said she and Errol went for a couple of walks today. She said she still hasn't figured out where his room is. She said she met his lovely daughter Valerie. She said she made a couple of jokes because she didn't want Valerie to go back to her Mom and say she had met Erolls girlfriend. She added," I don't like people to talk like we are an item, I mean, if that happens then they can talk , I just want to let nature run its course." Isaid,"Are you afraid everyone will say...Ruth and Errol sitting in a tree?" She laughed out loud and said,"Yeah, something like that.You are too funny." We spend a lot of time on Errol..how he looks, acts, his hair patterns,possibilities for him being her'boyfriend', his age...on and on...it is just too much... My guess would be that Eroll is in his late 60's . Ruth said he is probably much younger than her but that doesn't matter...JUST TOO MUCH...
We talked a lot about genealogy..she was very interested today.
She looks at the clock and says it is after 6, the day has flown by. She says she has had such a busy day with the party to welcome new residents, all her work and our lovely visit. I tell her I need to get home to fix dinner. She dresses to walk me out. She runs into a lady at the mailboxes who can't figure out her keys. Ruth swoops in like a mother hen and shows her her pink tape and says she will take her to the front desk and get her keys fixed. I am out of the picture now. Ruth and her student of the keys are chatting away while walking to the front. I tell her I am leaving and that Mike will either call her or come by tomorrow, what ever she would like. She asks,"Who, who who who?" O K , she only said it once. I say,"Mike". She seems confused and says," You know, last Saturday I thought I was going to get a visit from my son Mike but this other guy showed up." ...SQUARE ONE AGAIN....I tell her that was her son Mike..She quickly says," Oh, I know, whatever is best for him. Just have him call me so I know what he wants to do." I say I will and tell her goodbye.She is off on her new mission to save all the confused key holders of the world.
I get to Target and she calls and says she only has 2 cigarettes. I ask if she can make it til the morning. She says no. I tell her I will come back. This means that she has smoked a carton in 5 days. I stop at CVS and buy her 3 cartons. I am a little aggravated because I had to go all the way back AFTER being there all afternoon. I decide I am being selfish so to ease my guilt I drive on down to KFC and get her some chicken. She is standing in the hall ,in her night gown BUT at least she has her lovely new "divine slippers on". She says she has been waiting forever. I show her the 3 cartons of cigarettes and her KFC. She coos like a dove. SHE LOVES ME>>SHE REALLY LOVES ME(Sally Field reference)... She HAS to write me a check for the cigs. I let her. I really don't want to pay for her cigs or beer. I rationalize it all out in my mind that we will pay for her food, etc and she can pay for her cigs and beer. I know, it is all the same...She wants me to stay...I sit down for a bit and then tell her I still need to go feed Mike. It is 7:45...she says she is so excited about her chicken and that it will take her an hour to eat it...I tell her to eat and enjoy and to have a good nights sleep. She says she will and that I am the best friend she has ever had.
Not one time, in the whole day did she complain about being at Corinthians. When I got back she said she had been working like a whore, thats right, not a horse, a whore. She said she had changed her sheets and remade her bed. I reminded her that Corinthians will do that for her. She said she knew but she wanted it to be especially nice for Claires visit. I say I understand. She says she will let me out...
Good night Ruth...
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