The beginning

The only thing that those of us on the front line with Ruth right now can be sure of every day is that we have no idea what state of mind we will find her in on our next visit, or on the next phone call, or for that matter in the next minute of our conversation with her. We can repeat the same info 10 times in an hour and she will still be confused about things that have happened or things that have been said. There are times that she can actually convince me that I am the one confused as she is so adamant that she is remembering correctly and we are mistaken. Obviously, it has been a big learning curve for all of us and we are finally figuring out that we don't have to correct her about the facts, just nod and say ,"I know" or "Really?"
I arrived today at about 1:30. It was a good time to arrive as I had left Ruth at 7:00 the night before and had had no phone calls to come back...BIG PROGRESS!



I was so worried (something I seem to like to do) that she would be in a tizzy as it had been so long .Much to my surprise and delight, Ruth was standing in the main hall with a big smile on her face 'enjoying'...that's right...'enjoying' the Cinco De Mayo festivities. Tammy (Corinthians star employee) turned around and saw me and gave me a big thumbs up. I was thrilled. I tried to stay out of Ruths line of sight as I knew that as soon as she saw me she would stop playing and want to go back to her room so I ducked back to the front desk to see if there had been any problems with Ruth last night or this morning. They said that Ruth had been down several times with complaints but that she had not asked them to call me. (Right now, she thinks she has to go to the front desk for them to call me. We have left it that way so that she will have to go out of her room as it means she will see people, get familiar with her surroundings AND not call me to come back as often...Sunday 3 times, Monday 2 times . Tuesday 1 time, today: NONE...)What were her complaints I asked, 'She didn't make it to the community meeting because no one let her know about it.  She had things that she needed to address..."These Damn dinner plates are too small, they are salad plates and there is no room for me to lay my knife on them as they are so full of food"..I told her she could bring it up next month and she replied that she would be there..' ,was the response of the receptionist...we chuckled and shared the feelings that we were so glad that she was feeling involved enough to care about complaining...these people who work at Corinthians are amazing....
I was spotted by the flitting around Ms Ruth and she swooped over to me and grabbed my hand and led me back over to Tammy to once again (at least the 20th time) introduce me as her "good friend" Teresa. We have all learned NOT to add that I am her daughter in law, that seems to spark a little fire in her. Ruth quickly flitted away to let the Mariachi band know that they were playing too loud.  She stopped by every person in her path and made some comments with a gigantic smile on her face. Tammy and I sat back and enjoyed her fun. I have got to admit that it brought tears to my eyes to see Ruth flitting about like she was. I have spent the last 4 days watching her put her hands on her head while saying that she just can't figure out why she is here and that she is alone all the time so seeing her in such a joyful state was more than I could have hoped for.  She continued to play for about 30 minutes and then said she was tired and ready to go back upstairs (she can't quite figure out that she is downstairs yet).
We spent about 3 hours chatting. Her first long discussion was about how "Dick told me that I spend $200 a month on cigarettes and beer when he came over the other day and boy did that make me mad."  It was Mike who told her that but now she has decided it was her brother Dick. I did the usual by asking if Dick visited her and she said, "Yes, of course he did, he always does but this time he must have had a burr up his butt or something as he was just aggravating"... I asked her why he was aggravated and she said "he must have something going on or he just wanted to let me know that he knows I drink beer".  I asked why he would care and she said," I don't know, I don't know how he even knows I drink beer because I never told him and we only drank mixed drinks". She then proceeded into a long story about playing cards with her friends in Arlington and all they drink is beer and that the lady who has the party always brings her a beer in a small glass as she only drinks half a beer BUT Dick doesn't know any of that. "He is such a busy body". I asked her if she thought that maybe he was concerned about her health or her living on a fixed income. She said 'That is a thought but no, he doesn't care about that, he was just trying to prove a point" and then she was done with that conversation..
That seemed to take her into family memories and we spent about 2 hours discussing her family. I will write all of that conversation later as it was very interesting information AND she remembered and talked about things that she never has talked about before. I was telling it to Mike and he said her had never heard any of it.  She then stood up and said she wanted to put her shoes on and go for a walk. I said,"great, you can walk me out." She whined a little bit but said she understood that I had to go home to cook for my husband.
I did the normal routine when leaving of going over her plans for eating with her same responses.."she hates the cafeteria, she has already been in a boarding school, she will eat when she wants, not when they serve it, she has plenty of things in the fridge to eat".. I reminded her that I had brought her her special treat for tonight, shrimp, cantaloupe, and pineapple and she said how good I was to her and that those are her favorite things, how did I know she liked them and she promised she would eat them tonight and tomorrow. I reminded her to eat just 1 yogurt at a time (she had eaten 4 of the ones I got yesterday just before I got here so I had told her I was going to start bringing her one each day. She snickered and said she liked that I treated her like a child about the yogurt. She added that I was a real pip). We went over the door locking routine and how to tell which key is the right one. When I explain to her how to figure out which one is the right one she always laughs and adds "That Cindy is always looking out for me".  We shut the door, started down the hall and she said,"where are we going?" I explained that she wanted to go on a walk and she was walking me out. Once again, she was totally confused. We walked past Tammy, who she had to stop and tell about the shrimp. She became distracted by Pat (activities director) who was cleaning up from the festivities of the day so I figured that was my cue to leave. I took her hand and told her I was leaving.  She got that same look she has when we leave and asked when I was coming back. I explained that I would be seeing Lindsey tomorrow so I would be back at 4. Again, that crest fallen look so I said, "How about 3?" and she said that she could do that but that she would be lonely until then. Pat jumped in(so great) and told her she couldn't be lonely with all of them there and distracted her for me to leave. Ruth laughed at Pat and said to me," OK baby, I'll see you tomorrow"
I left Ruth today feeling good. She seemed much more settled and much less anxious. Tammy kept telling me that she really is doing great and that she will be fine. We hang on to those positive words as we are so desperate to do what is best for her. We are all in this for the long haul but it sure feels good to be able to say we had a good day after so many that were tough.
Like I said, I will write all the family info later as it is stuff that I will include in my genealogy info.
Rest easier tonight Ms Cindy, we may be making progress...