May 17, 18 ,19

So much of the time spent with Ruth is just an instant replay of the hours of conversations already had. I think my years of raising children have prepared me to be able to repeat the same discussions over and over again AND to ACT like I am hearing it for the first time AGAIN( that's right kiddos, except for Heather, I had heard most of your discussions before but at least with each of you, it would always change a little based on your individual personalities ).
I had told Ruth I would not be able to visit for a few days because of Mike having my car but her pleas for a quick visit always pull me back. Mike has been great about coming home early each day so that I can go over for a bit.
Ruth remains out of touch with reality most of the time. She continues to separate Mike into different people and continues to wonder why NO ONE every told her about him. She has added a new name for him this week. For some reason she is also calling him Tom. Cindy and I spend lots of time trying to decipher the code of names but we can't figure this one out. Ruth has also started assigning some of the things Cindy does to Linda so it appears that Cindy is also taking on another new persona...As for me,most of the time I am still just me, Teresa, her dear friend..
After her call on Tuesday, I told her I would be over after Mike got home from work. I stopped by Kroger and loaded up on yogurt, shrimp, chocolate pudding, lemon parfaits ,and lunchables. Ruth met me in the hall to the dining room(where everyone was eating) in her light weight nightgown. She said she had waited forever and had to keep seeing if I was there.It had been 7 minutes since I called her to let her know I was coming. We put away all of her goodies.... I sat down...Ruth said she had something very important to talk about...I waited until she was ready to talk.
It was the usual conversation.....Hate it here...miserable...what to do?... Mike, Michael, my son, your husband?????...how did I get here...how can I get home...
I patiently answered each question again. I explained her need to go for more tests. It is so difficult to explain what the problems are to a person who thinks that nothing is wrong. At one point she said,"Did you ever stop to think that maybe Cindy is crazy, not me...".....hmmm ...I answered," well no, I know that Cindy IS crazy, just like me, but in this instance, the things she has told us are the things that we have seen SOOO I think we better figure out what might be going wrong ." She said she understands. She seemed to calm down a bit .She said she wanted to sleep .She wanted me to know that she wasn't mad about anything and she wouldn't stress about anything,she was just tired. As always, she said how much she appreciates all I do and thanks for coming when she called...
Today, I got a call from Ruth saying she had to find the children. She said they had all gotten dressed and left....maybe they went to church..did I know where they were...RED FLAG WARNING...I asked if she was talking about the people at Corinthians and she said," No, I am talking about the kids.I went to the desk and they said they are all in school but I am going to have to find them"... I ask her if she is ok and she says she is fine ,she just has to find the kids....I hang up the phone and call Carla. As soon as I say it is me Carla sighs and says," Ruth has been up here for hours trying to find her children and I can't keep her out of the kitchen. We can't have her in the kitchen." I tell her I will be right there...
When I arrive, Ruth is chatting with a resident. I talk with Carla and Michelle for a bit. Carla explains what has been going on AND says the T V is working fine as Lonn went by to check it and the cable was not tight enough...thank you Lonn... Michelle says she will try to get Ruth assigned to in home care so that the nurses on site can spend time with her and relay first hand info back to the Dr...that is the most help we have gotten to try to figure this out...thanks Michelle...I let Ruth visit for about 5 more minutes and then go and sit in one of the chairs by her. She looks up and sees that it is me and says," Oh my God, you have no idea how much I needed to see you.I can't believe you are here." She introduces me and says she wants to go upstairs as she has something real important she wants to talk about. All the way to her room she has her arm tightly around me. She has more trouble getting the key to work.
The big discussion is about how it would be a win win situation for she and Claire to move in together. She has really thought this out and she adds," I can be a good girl, I will cook every day, I will clean, and I will sleep later." damn...damn, damn, damn.... She is killing me. I've gotta bring out the big guns now. I tell her about grass not being greener. I tell her that Claire needs this time to live on her own, just like Ruth had needed all those years(try selling that to the person who now believes she has never lived alone half the time). I explain about her medical concerns, safety issues, being located where Cindy wants to move to. She seems to be buying some of it. She says she has no friends, that no one here is in her sphere, nothing in common... I ask her if she had good friends in Arlington...She says that her best friend was Terry and that she hasn't written him. I point out that Terry is as far out of her sphere as anyone could ever be but that she gave him enough time to get to know him. She says I am right. I suggest a hobby, a list of things she enjoys,helping the lonely people at Corinthians. Once again, she seems to be buying some of it. I tell her about the seasons of life and the fear we all have of entering a new season. I tell her it is her own choice whether she becomes a negative vegetable in her room or whether she goes out the door and becomes a positive influence . She continues listening to my noble speech and seems to understand. She wants to have one more cigarette then she wants to get out of the room...I am feeling like I have made some progress...I am so darn smart...We are walking down the hall and she says..."I really have got to find the kids." Man, so much for feeling so smart. I know the simple answer would be to just tell her where her kids are...been there, done that...she is not talking about them, she is talking about THE KIDS...Ruth never can give any description or names. This time she says they were there this morning and they all got dressed and left.She thinks they went to Mass but they have been gone way to long. I ask her if they will be coming back tonight(that's right, I know how to play). She pauses ,looks at me and says, "do you think I dreamed them or made them up?" I quietly say ,"Maybe, I just don't know."
We are in the dining room.Ruth won't eat but has decided to take THIS opportunity to be friendly.I just want to go. She talks to a few people, tells one lady she wants to see her tonight, is told not tonight ,asks if she has a date or something, lady says yes, other lady at table says she is nosey...I just want to go. I lead Ruth away and tell her I need to go fix dinner. She says she understands. When we get to the front she wants to sit and talk....I sit...Mike texts he is hungry...I really just want to go. Ruth is quiet. She says that she was told that all of her family would visit her but no one does,no one...I tell her that Cindy , Mike and I do. She says that Linda and Cokie don't. I go over how sick Linda is. She says she would never expect Linda to drive, she would go there if she could. I tell her I will take her over there any time she wants. She asks if I have seen Linda lately. I tell her it has been 20 years but I will be more than glad to take her over. She says she wants to call Cokie. I tell her I am sure he would enjoy that. She is quiet again and then says I need to go home and fix dinner for my husband. I say I do. She is distracted when I tell her good by. She heads off towards the dining room. I choose to believe she had a fun filled evening of chatting with her friends..
Good night Ruth...